I want to do something I don’t know how to do
It is not comfortable; to do something I am not good at. There are plenty of things I know how to do that are asking me to do them.
But I don’t want to do them. They are boring.
I hate repetition. I would probably be a better piano player if I weren’t so embarrassed to play the same song over and over. I tend to improvise over a chord progression.
And still. I have managed to get good at some things over time. I could keep doing those things, and maintain a veneer of expertise.
But like the piano, I am bored of the same song. Ennui.
I want to try something I haven’t done before. I want to carve out a new path.
I can watch my daughter with her new explorations. Things never done before are the specialty of the young. For her, there is a cheering squad for every small bit of progress.
For me, it seems there is a lot of confusion. “What is it you are doing again?”
Maybe because at this point the new things I might do are new to almost everyone. They require some explaining. And they very well might not be interesting to most people.
But if they are interesting to me, that is enough. I used to worry a lot about what other people would think about my choices. I am worrying less about that.
So I’m willing to try the things that I would have avoided before. Things that might be a waste of time. I’ve got a little bit of time, and maybe I can waste it.
Or I might just build something phenomenal. It’s worth a try