It has begun.

I have arrived at the beginning of the end.

During the lockdown I was alone, cut off and desperate to connect with people. Who would be willing to breathe the same air?

No one knows how much it might kill you. Don’t touch anything!

While I was thinking of the death that lurks on surfaces, a friend sent out a call to a self-defense class. Would I go?

Yes! Absolutely! Anything to be around people.

This karate studio was still open. I put my kid in the class, and resisted a little bit before I started in the adult class. And then one thing led to another.

And today I join the final session to enroll in the boot camp to arrive at the Black Belt. I think back on what the last four years has covered and how I’ve learned to be a practiced fighter in far more situations than only on the mat. 

These four years have brought me to greater strength and a different mindset. Yes, I learned how to throw a punch. I also learned how to defend myself against an insulting and abusive boss, even to the point of leaving that job with a greater sense of clarity.

Sometimes I have to GET OUT of a situation. 

Sometimes I have to find a way to stay in longer. 

Like my training to get to the status of blackbelt. And also marriage.

It is a fine line I’ve been walking, learning more and more about what I can do. What can I achieve? What can I endure? How far can I push myself? 

And that’s not even taking the cancer treatments into consideration.

I remember when I first started, I was blown away by the senseis doing their moves. I had to hold onto the fence when I did a kick or I would fall over. The workouts were harder than anything I’d ever done. I was careful not to eat before class or I would throw up.

Now four years later it is easy.

And they are kicking it up another level. These senseis  know how to kick it up and that is what I’m going to have to do to get this black belt.

Anyone could do the easy thing. That’s not for me. I chose this, and many other things like it, to challenge myself. 

Now is not the time to back off. I started this whole thing wanting to be around people—at a time when the air itself seemed trying to kill me.

As I got better at fighting back, more and more things appeared that needed to be conquered, including and especially my own body.

I took the medical intervention, and kept training. Now is the time to build up my body, not only endure the attack.

This is the time to stay in and fight for the next level up.