I’d like to think I was on the track and moving forward. My cancer journey put me on a side track, a maintenance track for quite a while. But wasn’t that supposed to be over?

I had to do what I could do to get through it. Shrinking horizons and lowered standards changed my world.

Meanwhile, back at the rest of the world, this new thing was catching on:
AI

Artificial Intelligence. It will give an explanation, organize and create long reports. Its great!

Well, it is pretty good. Be reasonable, it’s a computer after all.

It would seem the whole world was also shrinking its expectations. Sufficient is better than excellent. Don’t expect too much, but it will do.

If I’m trying to get my feet under me and be excellent once more, is that no longer fashionable? What moved out from underneath me while I was under that burden? I see that society is looking for more of the ordinary.

Excellence has always been rare. The easiest path is the one worn down with frequent use. That only makes sense. The harder thing is less traveled.

I am looking for my old habits that I once had and I want to take up again. Except nobody is asking me to. I am struggling to find the reason.

Is my higher self a memory of an adventure I once had?

“Wasn’t that crazy? aahhhh….” As I settle in and arrange the pillows around me. “Once upon a time, I was really something.”

Once. Am I that same person?

I’d like to be.

I’ll be honest, I have foggy ambitions. I do know that I’m disappointing myself by not going deeper for more clarity. Just like I would be if I cut and pasted in an AI response without adding my own spark. I could easily sit back and coast on all that I created before.

Doing nothing now wouldn’t take away from what I’ve already done.

Except

I don’t want to be done. I know that I need to find an inspiring challenge. It’s been a long journey back to myself. There is a lot of rubble to put back in order. The wild beasts have made their nests in this life of mine while I was away.

But this is my life, and I’m not going to share it with anyone who hasn’t fought for it like I can and do.