I’ve been writing most of my life. This last bit, with the chemo and everything, I let myself put my attention eslewhere.

I remember getting in the habit of blogging in the 2000s. I wrote every day. I didn’t try to be profound. At this moment I am trying to find a way to increase my excitement and determination.

No one comes to this blog. And by no one, I mean I have less than ten visitors a week. It might be the same person. It might be a bot that is trying to figure out a way to exploit this site somehow

but for sure, this is not a platform to impress anyone. This is my empty corner where I can do repetitive exercises to see if i can eventually attain something I like.

And if I like it I might share it with others. I certainly don’t expect them to find it HERE

I used to get readers here. That has changed. And that’s ok.

today I hope to start a habit to get better at writing.

I was talking about mission statements with Veronica yesterday. We had been talking about how governments formed

families–>clans –>tribes –>nations

then the nations in combination with religion came up with a reason for why the ruler was the ruler

divine right of kings

then the enlightenment happened, and people decided not to leave leadership up to kings and elected leaders

once that was out of place, people could imagine other ways of running a society and other ideas emerged including marxism

Marxism also wants to get rid of Religion

which means a bigger overthrow of the controlling parts of societyz

the enlightenment coincided with the industrial revolution and over time this has led to corporate entities, businesses who had to create new mission statements to give a common goal to their constituents

I shared this idea with Veronica and we looked at some fortune 500 mission statements

They are basic, recreations of common goals that used to be part of the culture. But the culture got upended

and now we have to redefine everything.

But it doens’t have a soul

Veronica said “They don’t define “best.”

All the mission statement ssay something like “to be the best provider of the thing we provide”

We dont’ have a workign definition of best.

I’d like to think I was on the track and moving forward. My cancer journey put me on a side track, a maintenance track for quite a while. But wasn’t that supposed to be over?

I had to do what I could do to get through it. Shrinking horizons and lowered standards changed my world.

Meanwhile, back at the rest of the world, this new thing was catching on:
AI

Artificial Intelligence. It will give an explanation, organize and create long reports. Its great!

Well, it is pretty good. Be reasonable, it’s a computer after all.

It would seem the whole world was also shrinking its expectations. Sufficient is better than excellent. Don’t expect too much, but it will do.

If I’m trying to get my feet under me and be excellent once more, is that no longer fashionable? What moved out from underneath me while I was under that burden? I see that society is looking for more of the ordinary.

Excellence has always been rare. The easiest path is the one worn down with frequent use. That only makes sense. The harder thing is less traveled.

I am looking for my old habits that I once had and I want to take up again. Except nobody is asking me to. I am struggling to find the reason.

Is my higher self a memory of an adventure I once had?

“Wasn’t that crazy? aahhhh….” As I settle in and arrange the pillows around me. “Once upon a time, I was really something.”

Once. Am I that same person?

I’d like to be.

I’ll be honest, I have foggy ambitions. I do know that I’m disappointing myself by not going deeper for more clarity. Just like I would be if I cut and pasted in an AI response without adding my own spark. I could easily sit back and coast on all that I created before.

Doing nothing now wouldn’t take away from what I’ve already done.

Except

I don’t want to be done. I know that I need to find an inspiring challenge. It’s been a long journey back to myself. There is a lot of rubble to put back in order. The wild beasts have made their nests in this life of mine while I was away.

But this is my life, and I’m not going to share it with anyone who hasn’t fought for it like I can and do.