So I have found some overused themes in my life.
There are ways I react to things and hang on to things that i don’t want to do anymore.
I want to do it different.
There are times, and i’d been living through a LOT of times where the difficult things, the things that would make me react didn’t come from me.
There were, shall we say, circumstances. And I had REASONS to have these reactions.
I would think about the reasons, and again and again I would have the painful reaction.
How am I supposed to get dry and warm when I am on a beach, it’s raining, and the tide is coming in?
wave after wave
And yet. I knew that if I thought about it differently, even if the waves didn’t stop, it would be better.
If only I could get dry, I could have the wherewithal to rethink the story
To quote a favorite song:
You’re never gonna quit it if you dont stop smoking it
I tried to quit it. And it really began to pour. I wasn’t hit by waves, I was IN the waves.
But I found the story. I found the big story about me, and I started to tell me.
the water receded. As I kept practicing the story of me, the waves stopped
There are still memories though.
To take it out of metaphor land, there are people that I have to learn to live with. To learn to live with the memory of what happened.
It really happened. I have a REASON to feel the way I feel.
I don’t like the reason, but it the past can’t be done over.
..or can it? What if I pan the camera to the right?
How could I retell the past to myself that lets it be okay?
I have a lot of editing to do