editing the writer’s life

So I have found some overused themes in my life.

There are ways I react to things and hang on to things that i don’t want to do anymore.

I want to do it different.

There are times, and i’d been living through a LOT of times where the difficult things, the things that would make me react didn’t come from me.

There were, shall we say, circumstances. And I had REASONS to have these reactions.

I would think about the reasons, and again and again I would have the painful reaction.

How am I supposed to get dry and warm when I am on a beach, it’s raining, and the tide is coming in?

wave after wave

And yet. I knew that if I thought about it differently, even if the waves didn’t stop, it would be better.

If only I could get dry, I could have the wherewithal to rethink the story

To quote a favorite song:

You’re never gonna quit it if you dont stop smoking it

I tried to quit it. And it really began to pour. I wasn’t hit by waves, I was IN the waves.

But I found the story. I found the big story about me, and I started to tell me.

the water receded. As I kept practicing the story of me, the waves stopped

There are still memories though.

To take it out of metaphor land, there are people that I have to learn to live with. To learn to live with the memory of what happened.

It really happened. I have a REASON to feel the way I feel.

I don’t like the reason, but it the past can’t be done over.

..or can it? What if I pan the camera to the right?

How could I retell the past to myself that lets it be okay?

I have a lot of editing to do