problems with my itunes has me reloading the music that’s on my computer back into the player.

That is a treacherous path down memory lane. I have an odd assortment of music on the computer.

Gin Blossoms. WOW, that’s memory lane. it’s under the genre heading Alternative & Punk.

Alternative. I remember asking what that was supposed to mean.

“It’s like Heavy metal, but about how your life sucks…”

Does anyone else remember the Flannel shirt days of seattle music like me? I haven’t met anyone who does in a long time. But the GBs were from that time, and I am there again.

Nirvana can follow Cobain to wherever he went, they were never my anthems. But the Gin Blossoms, a million weird college bands never to be heard from again…They Might be Giants, Linda Perry’ screaming “WHAT”S GOING ON?” and the doc marten shod cranberries…”Do you have to…do you have to…?”

“Step out the front door like a ghost into a fog
where no on notices the contrast of white on white”

That slammed me in the gut..the struggle for selfhood and to be noticed in the big wide world of other people’s importance…

I remember beign grateful that huge clothing and torn jeans were in, because the homeless look was just about all I could afford at the time. I was POOR.

way poor

and then in ’95 I moved to California, and that’ about when I met Alanis. SHE let me know just how pissed off I was.

“I dont’ mean to pick you apart you see
but I can’t help it…
..all I really want is some patience..
a way to calm the angry voice…
and all i really want is deliverance”

Those were the days.

(I didn’t write this, it was a random spam like list I found)

1. Losers think everything is too good to be true, while the successful think that getting a job sounds too bad to be true (think entrepenuer).

2. Losers give up when things don’t go their way; a few disappointments and they are onto something else, saying things like “it wasn’t for me.” The successful work harder and become more determined when things go bad, and understand that you have to take the bad with the good to make it.

3. Losers always have an excuse. Successful people say “my fault” and refuse to make excuses.

4. Losers think that not getting what they want is OK. Successful people are disgusted at the thought of not getting what they want and will do whatever it takes.

5. Losers always have to talk it over with their broke friends to make sure no one will make fun of them if they make a decision. Successful people think for themselves and could care less what their broke friends think.

6. Losers are never coachable and teachable. Successful people are always learning, even when the money starts coming in, they never stop learning from those who were there first.

7. Losers are scared of others. Successful people trust in others and know that other people are crucial for their success.

8. Losers are always procrastinating; they would rather talk about it, read about it, think about it, but never seem to do anything. Successful people hate doing anything but getting it done.

9. Losers are glad when the day is over. Successful people love when the day begins.

10. Losers think successful people are lucky. Successful people put themselves into a position to be “lucky,” and then work hard to make the “luck” show up.

11. Losers work by the hour. Successful people work by the month. Losers want to know that after 1 hour of work they have something to show for it. Successful people find Losers who think like that and make them their employees.

12. Losers get excited they just got hired. Successful people think it is funny that someone could be fooled that easily; they are just making the successful person more successful.

13. Losers complain a lot. Successful people are thankful that no one shot at them today, they didn’t have to fight in a war, and that they don’t have a job.

14. Losers are too concerned about what other people are doing. Successful people are only concerned about what they can be doing to get more done. Losers think that if no one is doing something, it must suck. Successful people think that if no one is doing something, it means more money for them. Losers think that if everyone (all 200 people at the meeting in a city of 1 million) is doing something, it must be saturated. Successful people think that Losers aren’t too bright.

15. Losers think it is OK for other people to live where they want to live, drive what they want to drive, and do what they want to do. Losers are OK with the fact that they can’t do these things. Successful people get sick just thinking about being average. Losers think that other people’s opinions are worth more than their dreams. Successful people know that their dreams are worth more than other people’s opinions.
“To be successful, you must learn from Losers and do not do what they do nor think how they think.”

I get to renew my driver’s license today. Also, i am changing my name, so it’s a good time for this to happen.

There are a lot of places where my name must be changed.

It’s funny too. It’s such a light thing, a name. It’s air.

But the levels of beauracracy involved in changing it is staggering. Appointments, signatures, forms, copies of forms, approvals and waiting periods are involved.

I would like to have all of the name changing done before the end of the year. But I doubt that will happen.

So, it’s the 4th week of not driving to work.

I take my car only when I have to…Like this thursday I have to, because I have an appointment at the DMV to change my license.

but it’s been going great. My bus system the Foothill transit is a very civilized bus system. They have new buses, called the Silver Streak, which I admire greatly but do not ride. The Silver Streak only goes downtown, and I need to go to Pasadena.

See? Those are the west end of the foothills I am transiting. That’s a view of North Pasadena. And the end of my bus ride there and the start of my bus ride back. The very last stop before heading back home is in front of that Shell gas station. And in the bottom right corner is the stop before it.

The price of gas has greatly impacted my bus ride. To be honest, I didn’t think that would happen. BUT it is now to be expected that there are not enough seats on the bus. It’s getting kinda crazy! Almost every ride there are two people without a seat.

What do they think this is? Manhattan? this is LA and we need more or bigger busses or both.

I would like Foothill transit to give us a Silver Steak bus. In addition to their innate coolness, what with having a bendy middle and NAMES like ships (“Spirit of South El Monte”, etc.), the Silver Streak has free wi-fi.

it would be very good to get the silver streak coming to my bus stops.

So it came up in a book I’m reading right now. Of course, it was a teenage angst book. Crying in the bathroom. How many seeds of sorrow have been sown in public toilets all across America?

I can’t be the only one. I’m sure there are a million stories that could be collected.

There is a website about crying while eating.

But the crying in the bathroom needs some of it’s own attention.

it’s getting dark out

I forget sometimes…because it gets warm and dark in teh summer…It gets dark a lot earlier in the winter.

This is thanksgiving week. It will be pretty quiet except for the holiday party.

I plan on enjoying it

So I’m working on the book again. I’m re-writing the beginning (AGAIN)

I was going to leave that for last, but I can’t stand it. I have to re-write it so that the thing seems like it’s one piece.

If it’s one piece, then I can tell better what parts don’t fit.

And I’m not even talking off white and arctic white, or seabreeze white or all the other versions of beige that martha stewart might call white.

I mean white white.

I have just finished caulking the new bathroom. I grouted it with white grout, and the white grout went around white tile.

THe caulk went around a white shower base and a white toilet.

The white toilet has a white toilet seat. It is the conjunction of the white toilet and the whilte toilet seat that made me realize that all whites are not created equal.

Because to me, they are glaringly different shades of white.

And once you start noticing the different shades of white, it is an avalance. All those above items: grout, tile, toilet, shower base and caulk are different shades of white.

I guess I just have to be open minded about it–not b so black and white.

Today, Chris and I met at Capp’s Pizza on Castro street in downtown Mountian View.

I did not expect that we would get married.

But life is full of surprises.

Tonight, we will celebrate that we met by making enchiladas together.