Rosa Parks, in her book Reflections by Rosa Parks described how she learned from her mother to have dignity.

But that’s all she said.

That word –Dignity—along with courage and independence—is exactly what I think of when I think of Rosa Parks.  I long to have the dignity she had.

She understood something I don’t.

In pursuit of greater dignity I searched for a book on the topic.

I found Dignity by Donna Hicks. She drew up a framework for dignity and made it understandable.

I want to have dignity and give dignity. I have not known how, but she outlined 10 steps. I’m lifting this from an article the author wrote for the Ikeda center posted here

This is my goal. I want to have the dignity Dr. Hicks describees. I want to give it. That’s the goal. I’m grateful to her for defining this precious character trait.

Independent of any specifics, I can point to these elements and know where my dignity stands or might be under attack.

And I can resist the attack with dignity. I can avoid the double loss by being strong in expressing my own dignity. I have the tools now.

I was taught about Fight or Flight. In college I learned about tend and befriend,

It’s what women do

I had a strong experience with this. There had been a new manager in my department at work. She worked in a different town but I’d had a friendly email conversation with her and we had agreed that the next time she was in my town we could meet.  A few months later she sent me an invite, and I assumed that was what it was for.

I had to reschedule it for later in the afternoon, because I had a meeting elsewhere that morning. So I found the conference room she had reserved for us and as we sat down, I  said I was happy we could finally meet.

“Thank you for coming. I scheduled this meeting to tell you that this is your last day workin for us.”

Oh. I was being fired. And she had been firing people all day.

I was still in the frame of mind that i wanted to be friends. I saw here, understood that she was doing something hard, firing people all day. And I asked her how she was doing.

I understood that was was happening was something I should fight, or try to stop. But I had no way to do that, and I leaned into the befriend instinct.

It felt more natural to check in on others than to make sure I was ok.

Me and my daughter began studying martial arts nearby. The sensei showed me a new way to think about myself—if violence is brought to me, I should do what it takes to end it.

If I could run away (flight) that is a good choice. If I could stop the violence by attacking (fight), I should be able to be effective and decisive.

I had never thought about my body being strong and capable in that way. Since I have been practicing, I have became strong and skilled.  Women have fight or flight instincts too, but me and many other women have been trained to repress them.

March 8^th is international women’s day, had you heard? Women all over the world are trained to smile, befriend others while being gentle. Me and my daughter are training to use shouts and strength to defend ourselves and others from violence. It’s pretty late in my life to realize I don’t always have to be nice. I am glad my daughter is hearing that she has the right to fight for herself, and is practicing how to do it.  Strength helps, but it takes less strength than I would have thought. Mostly it takes a belief that we are allowed to fight for ourselves.

When I was fired those years ago, I couldn’t fight her to keep job. Punching wouldn’t have helped.

It took me several months after that to find my next job. I nearly gave up looking, feeling sure I had no value to give to the world at that time.

I barely had the fire to fight for what I wanted.

But at the last minute, a hopeless job application that I almost didn’t turn in got me a job. And I found some hope, and I kept going. I found the strength and faith to fight for myself, and the job I wanted.

Women are so much stronger than we think we are.  We will tend others, and befriend new people. And we can fight for everyone.

That is the woman that I am, and the one I am raising my daughter to be.

Congratulate to you for International Woman’s day.

“Optimism is the most important skill” -GaryVee

A friend of mine did a doctoral thesis on the power of hope. Really. She found (in an academic way) that hope affect the outcome.

So when I picked up Gary Vaynerchuck’s book and he said that he felt optimism is super important, it hit me.

There once was a cat who wanted to better himself in the world. He didn’t have much going for him, but he had a dream.

He was fairly comfortable in his world. But his owner was old and died. It had nothing to do with him, he could just stay in usual haunts and keep hunting mice.

But no. He was part of the youngest son’s inheritance, and the house was not. So, the cat, a set of bequeathed boots and the youngest son were out on the street.

The youngest son was not optimistic, but the cat had enough optimism for both of them.

That cat figured he could co anything. Starting with wearing boots. He asked for it and kept his eyes out and make the most of every opportunity.

Deciding something is possible is the first step to finding a way to do it.

There are many examples of people doing things that have never been done before. It’s fun to read the books and watch the documentaries about famous inventors and the massive achievements.

I would love to have a massive achievement. Optimism might be the magic. Optimism, hope and getting started.

I am looking around my neighborhood and we have some good news:
Covid cases are declining.

Rising Covid cases were the reason a lot of things were shut down. Schools, business, etc.

If the cases are declining, that would seem to indicate we can open up again.

The cat would say we can do it. The youngest son would not.

Is it possible? Can we be optimistic? I can.

I can imagine a world that is open.

Now we all have to get together to get started. We can do it. I have hope.