I’ve been writing most of my life. This last bit, with the chemo and everything, I let myself put my attention eslewhere.

I remember getting in the habit of blogging in the 2000s. I wrote every day. I didn’t try to be profound. At this moment I am trying to find a way to increase my excitement and determination.

No one comes to this blog. And by no one, I mean I have less than ten visitors a week. It might be the same person. It might be a bot that is trying to figure out a way to exploit this site somehow

but for sure, this is not a platform to impress anyone. This is my empty corner where I can do repetitive exercises to see if i can eventually attain something I like.

And if I like it I might share it with others. I certainly don’t expect them to find it HERE

I used to get readers here. That has changed. And that’s ok.

today I hope to start a habit to get better at writing.

I was talking about mission statements with Veronica yesterday. We had been talking about how governments formed

families–>clans –>tribes –>nations

then the nations in combination with religion came up with a reason for why the ruler was the ruler

divine right of kings

then the enlightenment happened, and people decided not to leave leadership up to kings and elected leaders

once that was out of place, people could imagine other ways of running a society and other ideas emerged including marxism

Marxism also wants to get rid of Religion

which means a bigger overthrow of the controlling parts of societyz

the enlightenment coincided with the industrial revolution and over time this has led to corporate entities, businesses who had to create new mission statements to give a common goal to their constituents

I shared this idea with Veronica and we looked at some fortune 500 mission statements

They are basic, recreations of common goals that used to be part of the culture. But the culture got upended

and now we have to redefine everything.

But it doens’t have a soul

Veronica said “They don’t define “best.”

All the mission statement ssay something like “to be the best provider of the thing we provide”

We dont’ have a workign definition of best.

In a world—a universe—of adventures and experiences I am thirsty for more. And after a long day of keeping my everyday under control, I might only have the memory of thirst. Where did I leave the keys to my house? And did I lose the one to the special gate that leads to the magic kingdom?

Oh, look. They are in my pocket. Were they here all along?

Don’t sit down yet. Leave the shoes on my feet. I will need them if I’m going through the gate.

I am afraid the door might be too heavy to open. Close my eyes tight so I don’t have to look. It’s too scary to face. The idea is enough, right? I can imagine what could be and that’s almost as good.

Until I shame myself into opening my eyes, and see there isn’t a door after all. I have to walk further up the path to find the door, it seems. I don’t even see it yet. If I stay on this path I will surely find it.

Until I realize that’s as far as I can go today, I can go this far from the everyday. I’ll come back tomorrow ready to go further until I see it.

Which means, back to regular life for now. I will come back tomorrows

It’s when stack up the come-backs and revisit it on the tomorrows that I get closer to the magic kingdom. After a while it doesn’t feel like a magic kingdom, it feels like a well-worn path. Familiarity doesn’t feel like magic, but I’m far further along than I ever thought I would be.

Showing up tired, keeping my shoes on when the everyday gives me a break. Still looking for that magic. I found stuff along the way, not sure if it’s the magic I thought it was but I would not have found it without looking like this.