Author Archives: Murphy
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breaking my rules
Rules for blogging
- if I must talk about a specific person, i have to be nuetral or positive. That person may never read this, but the web is a public place and they could. So, if i don’t have something good to say, can’t say anything at all
- do not talk about work. Nothing in my blog can refer specifically to where i work. I can’t keep the whole web from knowing, but the blog itself should not give it away
- i may, should and frequently do talk about a person who is irritating, dissapointing or otherwise pissing me off. This must be done obliquely.
And that’s where the fun comes in. Crafting something, an abstraction or a specific story to get a handle on something that’s looming to me. Or not even looming, just niggling somewhere in the corner of my mind.
Writing it through can help me sort it out. But because of the above rules, the blogpost tends to be the tip of the iceberg.
Guy at church (first rule: specific person can only be mentioned positively) has figured this out about the blogposts. He asks me about them, and apparently enjoys (or at least patiently tolerates) hearing me go on about the rest of what’s under the surface of the blogberg…
THe title of this entry says “breaking my rules” because I was going to talk about someone. But I think that I will refrain after all. I’m sure I can find a better way to think about that someone and discuss it according to my rules
Well, I tell ya
Thank god, the major crisis has passed.
I don’t think that’s the end of if, but I wrestled the dragon and did what I needed to do….
“the right thing”
“speaking truth to power”
etc.
Now is the part where I get to breathe, sleep, and realize that things have changed very little.
oh well.
But maybe my head will be free to think and post ideas again. I”ve been trying to post more, as my readers may have noticed. But this month my mind has been full.
Now I think there is buffer space for thoughts.
Despair and persistence
That came up in a radio drama I was listening to.
Those two are a devastating combination.
What could cause despair but the death or otherwise lack of somethng precious and glorious?
And to persist in working towards or believing in that precious glorious thing, in spite of it’s unattainability…That is hero’s work.
I will never forget the part of The Fellowships of the Rings after Gandalf dies. Frodo says “We cannot go on without Gandalf! There is no hope.”
Aragorn replies, “Then we shall have to do without hope.”
..the movie forgot that line, and they shouldn’t have.
Persisting past hope in doing the right thing.
Maybe if I persist long enough hope will catch up with me.
Actions, objects and deadlines
Prior to working at my present job, I had developed certain communication habits.
As a female, I trained myself constrain my workplace communication to actions, objects and deadlines. That was my conception of model behavior.
I would never talk about my feelings. I have considered it the height of unprofessional behavior to talk about feelings. I think many women in the workplace, especially in technological professions, share that feeling.
There are two reasons to avoid talking about feelings:
First, a very common way to demean women is to say, “You are too emotional.” To be called ’emotional’ is another way saying impaired judgment, or not fit to do the work. I myself would be inclined to veer far away from any hint of emotion.
Second, to begin talking with male colleagues about feelings in the workplace, to be brutally honest, opens the door to unwanted sexual advances. If I start taking about feelings with a man, he might just talk about a whole other set of feelings that I DON’T want to know about.
But, I’ve been struggling to communicate with my current co-workers, and I’ve been hearing feedback about how some things are not working out right. My response has been to become all the more crisp when discussing actions, objects and deadlines.
Not quite the right path.
I think it’s too late, Aretha
By the time you have to define respect, it’s most likely too late.
but I guess I’ll have to find out.
Viktor Frankl would say that I can always decide how I think about the situation.
Hmm…
You wouldn’t belive it was Southern California
The grapevine going north, with a dusting of snow on the rolling golden hills
I would scarcely believe that this view is Los Angeles County:
The five is home to semis. Highway 5 is their migration path is along this stretch.
Far Away
Sometimes it’s good to be far away.
I spent the day in Bakersfield. Bakersfield is a cute town. It has a reputation of being on the edge of nowhere, but it has a lot of where.
The grapevine pass was full of snow. It is strange to see the snow on the rolly goldy hills. I took pictures, but I haven’t got them online yet.
is the system your friend?
We all must rely on the system for things.
There are many interlocking systems that we use. We need them.
But then there is the system. Work the system. Beat the system.
Fight the system.
It can come up behind you and smack you on the head.
But is it your friend?