“I remembered what I dreamed last night.”

I had asked him when he first woke up, as usual, but Chris couldn’t remember his dream right away.

“You did? What did you dream about, baby?”

“We were in New York for some reason, and you were there too.”

“I was with you?” I’ve never been with him the times he’s gone to New York.

“Yeah, and you came up to me and said, ‘We have to go!’ Apparently you had tickets to somewhere.”

“I did?”

“Yeah…to India.”

“India! I would love to go to India!”

“yeah, well, you wanted me to go right then, you said we had to leave in a half an hour. But we weren’t even packed! I asked you what airline the tickets were for, but you weren’t sure. And you didn’t know which airport we were supposed to leave from.”

“Wow, I was totally unconcerned.”

“Yeah, and I was trying to look it up. You knew what time it was supposed to go, and you thought it was Air India, so I was trying to look it up. And I was trying to type in Expedia, but I kept getting it wrong.”

“You were dreaming of the internet? You were dreaming that you were looking something up on the internet?”

“And I was worried that we didn’t have anything packed. I asked you how long we were going to be there. You said 14 days, or two weeks or nine days. So, I couldn’t figure out what we needed to have ready.”

“I wasn’t very helpful was I? Boy, I’m mean to you in your dreams.”

“Yeah!”

“That’s a great dream baby. I’m glad you remembered it.”

Oprah talks about her gut feelings.

Women are supposed to have intuition.

But then, we are also ‘over-emotional.’ We are prone to burst into tears at certain times.

So, the problem with ‘gut’ and intuition is that I don’t always know if I am over-reacting.

How do you learn to listen to your gut? My gut doesn’t speak too often. Usually, there is enough ‘there’ there to hear what is being said.

But this week my gut was speaking. I had an overwhelming sense that something was not right.

I was travelling. I often feel a little apprehensive. I don’t mind flying, but I often feel like I might have forgotten somethng.

The feeling persisted. I got to Atlanta, and I was tired. I thought, “Oh it must be jetlag.”

And it was that time of the month.

And it was humid…and this was wrong..and that other thing was not right…

By the end of the second day there, I was trying to analyze myself. Thinking, “What is wrong? What is wrong with me?”

I love travel. I love it. How could I suddenly not be loving this trip?
I love learning new things? How could I not be paying attention during a class?

What was wrong with me?

I tried doing things that usually comfort me. I had a hot bath. I had a book. I watched Law & Order. I called Chris and vented.

Yes, I ate chocolate.

Chris was incredible, as he usually is. I had devolved into “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I really do need to go to the doctor…or a chiropracter…I feel so tense! Something is wrong.”

“Yeah,” he said. “You’re really having a tough time. This isn’t like you.”

It took me the whole trip, a trip of several days…feeling very very uncomfortable…to realize that it wasn’t me. It wasn’t me!

It was OUTSIDE of me. The situation I was in was kind of complicated, but in the long run it became utterly clear that the whole trip my gut was screaming RED ALERT and I just couldn’t hear it.

I know now exactly what the problem is.

I hope I have learned how to better interpret gut-ese.

Perhaps I will remind Chris that that is one of the possibilities. He can help me remember by asking, “Is this a message from your gut?”

I don’t know that I could have fully realized what was wrong before I had finished my trip. I knew something was wrong. But maybe I could have realized that it wasn’t me. It would have been nice to know it wasn’t me spinning out of control, it was the situation.