I knew that.
There’s already a Shakespeare.
I was listening to an interview with an author and thinking, “How can I write so others want to read what I am saying?”
And then I thought…I can’t. I am nearly the last person who reads this blog, and that’s okay.
My books that I write are not much better, as far as readership goes.
But I can write.
Maybe it’s like flying. I can fly. Should that be enough?
I can dance. Shouldn’t that be enough?
I don’t necessariliy need the readers. Art is art.
A Dream Deferred
by langston hughes
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
So i’m probably stealing Hughes’ poem. But at least I am crediting it.
I was thinking about that poem because of the “Fear saps passion” phrase from yesterday.
If I am full of passion, but I am afraid, isn’t that a hope deferred?
Yes. Yes. Yes, it is. And a hope deferred is a dream deferred.
I had a reason to think of Charlie Brown and Lucy, with their football trick today.
“Come on, Charlie Brown! I’ll hold the football for you!”
and he falls for it every time. He puts all this passion into running, and the dream gets deferred.
and he lands on his butt.
It is NOT the fault of his passion. It is NOT the fault of the dream.
Everyone knows that it’s Lucy. Anyone can tell it’s Lucy whisking the goal out of reach.
How many times do I blame myself?
“I should have snuck up on the football, acted all casual…then I would have had my chance to kick it out of the sky!”
It is NOT my fault. It was never my fault.
I have to find a new person to hold the football. And if I want to kick that football, I have to keep looking until I find that someone.
He’s telling me like it is.
“Fear saps passion”
Yeah. I’ve been too sapped for too long. I’ve been letting fear take the fore and make decisions for me.
But it is my usual state to be passionate about my life and what I’m doing.
If I push fear aside, maybe I will find that passion again.
I got a ton of stuff done this monday.
And yet, when I got home, I felt all discombobulated.
I thought about it. I decided it was because I was still tired.
It was another night of sleepus interruptus from Veronica. 10 to 2 was awesome, but it was very sketchy after that.
We’ll see how tonight goes.
But, I decided that my feeling of disatisfaction couldn’t be trusted, it was just sleep deprivation.
I am goint to go to sleep now. At least, I will try.
I think we are. This one is too crowded, too judgemental and has lost it.
Google is not what it used to be, internet dating has gotten as creepy as the bars, and it’s just too easy for EVERYONE to get on it.
It’s not going to fly. We need a secret password kind of place.
I was fully rested at 6:30, so I got up all ready to do important work.
She woke up 15 minutes later.
sigh
I guess we shall get up and face our day.
BUT! i have an idea. I’m gonna toss her back at daddy this afternoon and get some computer work done at Panera. I think
I slept solid from 10 pm to 8 in the morning.
I had some friends over for a party, which came off beautifully.
Chris took me to lunch.
Veronica slept for a 3 hour nap
Chris and I had some private time
We went on a walk in the rain.
We talked about ideas all day
I’m in bed again now, not even 10 pm
Veronica is asleep
This is the best day of the year! It really is. I am so happy and at peace.
Imagine a long day of work, and at the end of the day, someone is displeased.
Imagine years of long work, and someone is displeased.
It’s hard for me to be pleased when I know that someone else is displeased.
It’s a splinter in the finger.
But, when the other person displeased as a permanent state, it would seem that I should let it go.
It’s not easy. It is hard to ignore someone’s displeasure. I *like* to please people.
But some people refuse to be pleased.
I went off the playbook yesterday in my toastmaster’s speech. It was supposed to be a persuasive speech, and it was really a piece of performance art.
I got some awed responses, but then I got a hard “That is not how this is supposed to be done.”
yeah. I know
But I bet that MY speech will be remembered for a long time. And the by-the-book speech will be forgotten.
Remember me? I’m awesome. You haven’t noticed for a while, and I have been forgetting.
But, I remain awesome.
And you really need me.
You’re welcome