I’ve been doing this weekly wonder since July 2010. That’s 8 years. When I started it, I wasn’t sure how often I would do it. But as you can see, dear reader, I have done it! Every week for 8 years now.

I have the blog that I started in 2002, which is what this feeds into. So, in order to not panic I told myself, in the even that I couldn’t think of something to write, I could always choose a blog entry and recycle a piece I was proud of.

But so far, I haven’t done that.

This week though, I was stumped. I had about 6 ideas that I was not at all proud of. I started writing three of them.

And I just couldn’t make it make sense.

What was wrong with me? How come I couldn’t come up with a piece?

I knew exactly why. Today, I have a bit of a cold. I woke up with a bit of a cold yesterday as well. Perhaps I will recover my full health tomorrow. I feel a little muzzy headed.

But that is not it.

Why couldn’t I come up with a piece that was worth writing?

And I almost couldn’t even come up with the wherewithal to choose a re-run, my cherished back up plan.

I had listened to some inspiring books, watched a few less inspiring movies. Played with my family. And I was

STUCK

What was going on?

I finally remembered one of the reasons I started the weekly wonder email list in the first place.

I’ll use a vague-ism.

Adversity

The fact was, at that time, I had gotten very stuck in changing tides o the internet and SUPER microscopic examination of my life and I was really sure that I was experiencing terrible adversity.

But, as often happens, I talked with a friend. I wasn’t’ even my best self, talking to this friend, and he listened to my moaning of being underappreciated and not getting internet traffic, and he told me about this idea of a mailing list.

EXACTAMUNDO!

So I started it and have been faithful every since.

Now back to this week. I was stuck and wondered if this would be my first creative fail.

This goes out tomorrow. I usually have something written and queued up by Sunday afternoon.

I hate the last minute. But as I blow my nose and clear my throat, I finally realized why I was stuck.

Adversity

Or, as I know now how to call it, imagined adversity

I had spent the week and the weekend imagining how I was underappreciated and undervalued.

I didn’t WANT to think that, but I had decided to focus in on certain metrics and could barely think of anything else.

No wonder the creative juices were dried up.

And once I remembered that pattern and recognized it in my current experience, I could find something worth talking about.

It broadened my perspective to remember that I previously had experienced and overcome a crappy, claustrophobic mental pattern.

And by writing, my beloved writing, I could overcome the negative spiral. And I could write about it!

My commitment to my blog made me struggle enough to pull my head up and remember the bigger world. Thank you, weekly wonder. And thank you readers, for helping me remember the wonder of the world and get unstuck.

I just found out that Audible has Great Courses from The Teaching Company. I love those! I used to get them from the library on Cassette and CD

That’s what Libraries had back when. Cassettes, and CDs.

Something about listening to a lecturer who is not going to give me a test or homework is so pleasant.

YES, I want to know all that obscure knowledge. I will remember it, but I don’t’ want to HAVE to write a bibliography in Chicago or MLA style.

The course I just bought and finished is called The History of Language.

John McWhorter teaches it. I have a new teacher crush.

Towards the end of the lecture series, he calls the people who love this topic language heads.

Yes, I am a language head. I first encountered linguistics in my senior year at San Jose State University. It was so fascinating, I considered if I might pursue it. I went to the teacher

“What do people do with linguistics degrees?”

“Oh! They are so useful! If you have a linguistics degree and know a computer language, you can write your own ticket.”

Professors can say dumb things sometimes. I knew enough to know that if you know a computer language, you can write you own tickets. College degrees are entirely optional.

But here comes Professor McWhorter waltzing through my earphones.

He is the first one who made me realize how very different spoken word is from written word.

Written word is something I love so dearly. It probably colors my speech quite a bit, as I try to say things with my mouth as I would if I were writing on the page.

Even so, spoken word relies so much on context and intonation.

If you can point to something, a lot of grammar becomes redundant. One thing I have heard professionally, only 60% of the meaning of speech are the words spoken.

Emotions and context are impossible to separate from spoken word.

I remember when I was learning Russian, and I knew almost nothing. If I pointed to something I wanted, and handed them a notebook, they would write down how much it cost, and I could start to learn how to buy things. “How much is it?” “Skolka Stoeet?” came later. And the numbers came after that too.

So I could get by with not much more than a pointed finger and a raised eyebrow.

Same place same time, I could communicate.

Written words make it possible for different place different time communication.

And because of that naked context, the written word have to have much more careful conveyance of meaning, with specific grammar and word choice.

Good writing also is supposed to paint a picture of senses and emotion. Metaphor, colors, descriptions of sights and sounds in a way that same time same place communication does not need.

I love to write and I try my best to make my written words live.

But I have a life outside of this virtual page. My career has been spent on telecommunications. Etymologically, that means far communications.

Telecommunications is same time, but not same place. It’s also technologically compressed and lacks the full sound range that my voice next to your ear would carry.

I’ve often advised people on how to use telecom technologies to build relationships. Yes, start by meeting people face to face. But to continue the relationship, try to meet using video communication regularly. This is even more important in cross-cultural teams.

But there is another interesting recent language communications phenomenon.

Same time, different place in WRITING. This has to do with social media comments and texting. Or even rapid emails back and forth.

We all know that the occasional emoji can add to the tone and allow for better communication.

How is this changing our language?

As McWhorter likes to say, if human history were a day, written language appeared at 11 PM

So this moment of same time, different place written communication has been less than a second.

I would love to find out how it develops.

In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the people come up with a big question, “What’s the answer to life the universe and everything?”

You may not know the book, but you’ve probably heard the answer:

42

There is a dark irony and utter absurdity in this book. Written in 1979, there was a apocalyptic luxury in the western world. Yes, we had plenty of everything we needed.

Except a sense of safety. Have you heard of nuclear proliferation?

By the 1980’s we had been eating well and accumulating stuff with reliable regularity. And yet we didn’t have a sense of safety.

To dial the lens back for a broader view, prior to the dark nerd humor of the hitchhiker’s guide, history had provided the darkest events ever.

So much  had been learned from the factories and efficiencies of the industrial revolution. Nazis turned these tools for their social engineering plans. This moment brought human slaughter and suffering of nearly unimaginable proportion.

I have recently read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Viktor Frankl is a famous psychologist, and equally famously, a Holocaust survivor.

He describes the experience of living in the camp, and working in horrendous conditions. They were underfed to the point where their bodies began to visibly consume their muscle mass to sustain life. They were sadistically beaten and abused.

All this is ugly, and hard to look at.

When I read Frankl’s book, he brought something new. His fascination with psychology had begun before he entered the camps, and in the camps a wide scope for exploration.

Did he really find the meaning of life in the concentration camps?

He declares: “Life is unconditionally meaningful.”

Take that, Hitchhikers Guide.

We do have meaning, every single one of us. Without having to prove it by anything.

Unconditionally meaningful

It’s not that we have to prove ourselves worthy of the air we breathe. He says that life does not owe us, we owe life. Our best efforts, our best selves.

Do we suffer? Let’s not suffer if we can possibly avoid it, and yet there is a lot of unavoidable suffering in this life.

He ought to know. His experience gives him the right to say this.

So if we are experiencing unavoidable suffering, we can bring our life and ourselves to that suffering ennobles us and we ennoble it.

Damn.

I wasn’t aware that was an option.

There is an enormous truth to the idea that life is unconditionally meaningful. If we know that the meaning is there, no matter what, that changes the search.

If I I know that I will find a thing, I will not give up searching. And like Douglas Adams said I might need to check my assumptions:

“I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you’ve never actually known what the question is.” (28.2-6)

I’ll keep looking. I know I’ll find it.

It’s Olympic season and we’ve been watching world-class athletes. There are more sports than we can remember that are competing in a competition of the world right now.

I don’t know how to do the things these athletes can do. But as I watch and listen to the commentators giving critiques on their performance, I begin to see that the position of the parts of their body seems to affect the outcome.

I might root for them, yelling at the TV “Keep your back straight! Watch the feet! THE FEET!”

As if they have not spent thousands of hours learning how to do the amazing things that brought them to this pinnacle of athleticism.

Who am I to tell them to do better?

Of course I remember when I was younger, or in better shape, and could enjoy the feeling of my body being strong, quick and flexible.

I admire them, and am awed by what they can do. I have a vague idea of how hard they had to work to get there. I know I will never be what these elites have become.

And sometimes I listen to the commentators critiquing and myself judging what they are doing and think, who are we to be so critical?

Have we done the work?

It’s exciting though, to watch. My daughter was bouncing out of her seat as we were eating lunch at a restaurant and the Olympics were playing. Ski jumps.

We were fascinated.

Chris said, “It reminds me of Eddie the Eagle. Do you know who that is?”

He was famous in his time. As a citizen of the U.K. he wanted to be an Olympic athlete, and though he could ski, he didn’t qualify.

One thing the British Isles does not have is tall mountains.

Eddie learned that there was no British ski jumping team for the 1988 Olympics, so he put himself forward as the contestant.

He was not that good, but he showed up. And he got in.

And as I watch these Olympics and feel inspired I can realistically know that sometimes my super power is in showing up.

I can show up and give it a good go.

That’s often what is needed most.

3 Steps to Creating Your Vision

Now here are those questions you’ll need to answer (remember to answer them from the point in the future when your vision has been reached):

What does your organization look like?
How big is your organization?
What is your organization famous for?
How do you measure success? (Be specific)
Why does anyone care about what you do?
What do you refuse to do?
How do people who work here feel about their jobs?
What is your Mission and Movement?
How do you, the founder, feel about the business?
What are the 3 most important things you offer your clients?
What’s your role in the business?
How do you find prospects?
What kind of people will you need to hire? (skills, attitudes)
What are everyday tasks?
What do employees, clients, community, and peers say about your biz?

Set aside 30 minutes when you are most creative, lock the door, avoid all distractions, and put it out there.

I’ve talked before about enjoying fantasy genre fiction. Is there a hero that fights against huge odds to win? I’m in!

Right now I’m reading Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson. In this story, there are spirits, called spren, that that on visible form. One of the things they represent is the emotion of the characters. There are shamespren, gloryspren and honorspren.

What would it be like to have my emotions be so readily apparent to the people around me?

There are as many opinions as they are people, right? But when it comes to emotions, I live with mixed emotions about almost anything. It has to do with the stories we tell ourselves.

Am I happy because I got a raise? Or am I resentful that it is so small and too late?

Valentine’s day is coming. It is well known that many men are trepidatious about what to give their wives or girlfriends on this day, because of how it could be received. Will she be happy, or mad? It’s tricky.

These emotions are tied to the story we tell ourselves about what is happening.

Are those stories true? Do we know what the reasons and motivations for how those around us are interacting with us?

Did that guy ignore me and slight me, or did he just not hear me?

We can’t know. And it is possible the people around me aren’t entirely sure why they behave the way they do either.

I think it would be disastrous to have external manifestations of my emotions. I would not want to have to explain the way I feel at any moment.

Some of my feelings come from how I feel about myself. And a lot of them come from how I think other people feel about me.

Emotions are so complicated. And if I am unable to fully understand my own feelings, how can I assume that I can understand someone else’s’?

So did that guy mean to cut me out, or did he just not hear me?

I am thinking it serves my interests to give everyone all the benefit of the doubt.

If I can’t know, why not choose the happiest interpretation of events?

There are no little spirits to tell me otherwise, so I can choose what serves me.

I started college as soon as I finished high school. I thought I’d have a head start and get done early, right?

It took me a long time to finish. Stuff. Supporting myself, and family stuff.

But I loved school so much. I love college and I wanted to keep going. Years went by when I couldn’t take any classes.

It was a long deferred hope. And it was a cherished cherished cherished goal.

Until one year, circumstances aligned and I could go FULL TIME for a whole semester. Then that glorious moment when I realized if I went ONE MORE full time semester I could actually graduate.

That one year was the only time I had spend a full school year in college. All the night classes finally added up and I could spend a full year.

What a year! Studying and reading and carrying fat books. These teachers shared their knowledge with me, and I looked at the requirements in the handbook. I checked them all off and I GOT MY DEGREE.

The worst part about getting my bachelors’ degree? Being done.

I loved sitting in classes and learning new things!

What was I supposed to do now?

Seriously. I’d had this nurtured hope for so many years. Once I’d accomplished it I didn’t really know what to do.

I felt like I’d been travelling a paved road. It was steep, sure. But I always knew exactly where it was and how to travel it.

Once they handed me my diploma, the road ended.

It was the jungle, baby.

Now if I had somewhere I wanted to go, I had to break out a machete and cut a trail.

That’s a different thing altogether.

It’s very nice to have the trail already laid out. All the milestones and detours specified.

It’s beautiful.
But going on my own? That’s a mess.

I’m not likely to get there directly.

And it’s an unanswered question of where “there” even is.

I’m finding it’s changing a lot.

Lately, I think it’s even more important to pay attention to what I am looking for in this path.

There are still other people in the jungle, and they will come alongside and pull me onto their path.

I can get swept into their orbit, and be influenced by their idea of where we are supposed to go.

Yet, in the end, I am the one who knows where I am aiming for. Other people can’t tell me what I want.

It’s better if I listen to where I want to go. I’m the only one who knows that.

1. This Monday I had to lead a team of installers around s government site. The govt was shut down, remember?So my contact who Was supposed to get us a key and meet us around wasn’t there. We had to figure it out.
   My installers are retired military guys and you’re a lot younger than me. we knew the address but we couldn’t tell where it really was.

   So on the theory that they knew where this might be I let them lead me around. we went hither and Yon not finding what we needed.

   “This feels like being a teenager where I’m following people who think they know where they’re going. “

   “No I really think it’s over here. “

It was my daughter’s birthday this Monday. She turned 9. She is her very own self, with some of her personality taking after me and some after her daddy.

She enjoys watching documentaries, like her daddy.

Not my thing. I like reading books.

And writing them.

This month I was asked to be part of a writer’s facilitation series at my church. There was interest in the topic.

The interested people were some very interesting people who thought they might want to share their stories.

The first in the series was a discussion about memoir writing. I was not the facilitator, but I attended to get the feel of the series.

People wanted to share their stories. These dear people had lived long lives and seen much.

I came away with some things to ponder.

How does a person tell the story of their whole life?

I remember when I was trying to start the story that became The Russian American School of Tomorrow I didn’t know how to scale the mountain.
And I had to tell it.

I settled upon telling the story of two friends. But I couldn’t tell the story of those two without telling about this other person.

And that gave me a place to start.

The other problem was where to stop. That took a lot longer to discover.

I was thinking about the group of participants in the writing series. They had a lot more life under their belts.

So here’s where the concept of documentaries come in.

You can tell a history. But history doesn’t have a point. What’s the point of Egypt?
Just for example.

When I tell a story, it has a point.

Which is why it took me so long to find the end of the story of The Russian American School of Tomorrow.

I had to figure out what was the point of this bit of history.

My husband studied history in college. I studied literature. I was telling him the topic of this Weekly Wonder, and he said:

“They don’t teach storytelling in history classes. The best kind of history is stories.”

I can agree with that. It takes more than a string of facts to arrive at a story.

For me, it took taking one little part, one year.

Making sense of the events of our life is probably the point of going over our histories.

He came by to see me. I don’t see him very often. This time he came by and we had something to eat and something to drink.

We caught up. I don’t see him so often anymore. We caught up on what is happening in each other’s lives.

A little bit.

And there came that point.

We always come to that point.

I was actually trying to avoid it.

But there came that point when I brought up the same thing I bring up every time. For this person, it was to talk about how he could stress less and take care of himself. How he could give himself a break and not give in to everyone else’s expectations.

This time I said “What are you hearing when I tell you this? Because we have the same conversation every time we talk.”

We do. I think maybe he heard me. But I always think that.

Here’s something I’ve learned about giving people advice:

Every time I am telling someone else what they need to do

No matter how much they need to do it

No matter how much they don’t need to do it

I am telling myself what I should do.

That’s a saying, Every time you point your finger at someone, you’ve got three fingers pointing back at yourself.

So.

Right about now,

How would my life be better if I gave myself a break, and didn’t let other people’s expectations crush me?

What if I let there be some room for other people to help me, and let there be room for good things to happen?
What if I made time for the stuff I *like*, not just the stuff I am obligated to do?

Because I have this conversation every time.

I guess I still need to hear it.