Monthly Archives: July 2003

Oh, for the 90’s!

Posted on by

SO, I’m reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Geniusby David Eggers. I’m not done yet….

You know, I am always most excited about a book when I’m not done with it yet. Maybe I should always write the review about 3/4 of the way through. I would be a lot more excited than at the end, when I have already started another book.

Anyway, one of the parts of the book is how he is making a magazine in the ultra-hip San Francisco of the early 90’s.

Oh my god…Oh my god…Oh, the San Francisco Bay Area in the 90s…Was there ever a Nirvana or Shangri-La like that one? Oh, how wonderful it was!

I moved there in 95. It was ELECTRIFYING ! It was INCREDIBLE! everything was possible. the world was about the be flipped like a pancake, taking us from the gooey-sticky, bubbling side to the beautiful, crisp brown smooth side!

Start-ups, all kinds, money coming from the SKY (aka venture capitalists). I think I would have gone the entireity of my life and not known what a venture capitalist was, if I had not moved to the Bay area.

Oh it was wonderful! We were riding the wave, and the wave had no end. There was no limit.

Of course there was no limit! I thought I told you that we won’t stop thought I told you…What…why are you stopping?

Because it did. All those highly paid consultants that were my friends, the ones who swore they would never “drink the kool-aid” and become an employee are now employees.

IF they are lucky.

random navel gazing

Posted on by

Maybe I should read books twice. Maybe that would be the thing…Take notes and stuff. Nafisi, the professor in Reading Lolita in Tehran rad books again and again, making notes.

She’s a professor. One of those people who get to tell others instead of being told.

Well, maybe she has the right idea.

The thing about books is that they have a beginning a middle and an end. They are contained. They are a system, a closed system.

And a closed system is one that can be experimented on. You know what’s there, you can work within the system, and it remains.

Once, a long time ago, I closed a book because I was working too much within a system. I had been a very very very religious [in the meaning of unfalteringly regular, as well as the other meaning] Bible reader.

And I had done this for years. For several reasons, all of which someone or other will fault me, I stopped.

The reason I told myself at the time, and I still believe that it is the main reason, is that if the Bible is true, and I choose to believe that it is, it is a system that is fully integrated with the universe.

And if it is fully integrated with the universe, any understanding I have about ANYTHING [because anything and everything is part of the universe] will enhance my ability to understand and interpret the Bible.

I could feel in my bones, like a draft of wind or a change in air pressure, that I was not interpreting the Bible right.

And I knew without a doubt that I knew less than nothing about the world around me. I was 21. I consider this precocious of me.

So I thought, I need to work on the one part and get back to the other. Because I had a feeling that I was propping up a failing system.

And since I believe that the failing system could not be the Bible’s system, the system that was failing was my understanding/intrpretation of it.

So I needed to work on my understanding.

NOW, this is only an anecdote to illustrate my point about books. The Bible is a book, after all.

so, do I need to dig deeper into the books? OR back off the books?

This begs a question. What purpose are the books?

If the books are part of my lifelong quest for enlightenment, then they are important. That takes me back to the conclusion that I need to maximize my reading and the quantity/quality conundrum I mentioned before [previous post].

If the books are just for my amusement, though, then all this is nonsense. I should just read the books in whatever way I like.

If, however, the books are purely for my amusement, I am become a hedonistic pleasure-monster.

Which doesn’t make sense, because I seem to only enjoy books that challenge me.

And this leads to ontological and epistomological tail chasing.

It’s a moot point. We don’t know.

Which could lead back to that book I put aside when I was 21.

Some people do this. They choose a religion, accept it as a closed system, and devote their lives to it. Inside a hermitage or not.

“This” they say “is the source of the answers. I will bend myself to the answers this system provides.”

This seems like a good idea. It has the appearance of truth. Perhaps in many many cases it is the truth.

Except it is dangerous. I believe, as I did when I was 21 and even earlier, that true religion cannot be a closed system.

Because, who would be closing it? WHo would say, ‘We understand everything now, no more!’

It would have to be people. People who came to the conclusion that they understood everything.

That would be impossible. It’s not that I believe everything cannot be understood, I just cannot concieve of a human mind being able to do it.

Therefore, closing the system will result in it’s falsehood.

I love truth too much to do that. I will risk a lie, risk being wrong, in an open system. I feel like there is a chance in the open system. But the closed system is a lie from the beginning.

All this, because I am thinking about my reading habits.

I think too much.

Scratch me, and I bleed philosophy. I never stop.

White Oleander

Posted on by

I am still pondering this book.

It occurs to me that I am a gluttonous reader. I read these amazing, complicated books. I LOVE their texture and the feelings and the beautiful words I am reading.

But then…I don’t stop and savor them enough. I read one, and I like it…But If I finish one early in the day, I’m on to the next one by night.

Perhaps I am too greedy for these books. I don’t stop and linger.

When I am eating a truly delicious dish, I like to savor it.

But my reading does not work like that.

I miss my university classes.

I would take a class again, just for the joy of discussing the books. But the fact of the matter is, I cannot go back to literature classes at the jr. college level. They are not enough. I have more questions and ideas than would fit there anymore.

Well…So I miss those literary cud-chewing sessions. And I don’t know what to do with my observations and thoughts.

Journal them?

ta da! Here i am!

I had been making a concerted effort to write short reviews of the books I read.

But then, my brother Mark mentioned that he preferred a more personal approach on my blog.

Hmm…Yes. So do I. You know what though? It’s harder to be personal. I end up rambly and not particularly proud of what I write.

It requires a lot of discipline to be personal. and practice. So maybe this is practice.

Stream of consciousness shift here…My co-worker practices his keyboard (piano) 4 HOURS A DAY!

holy crap!

I told him I was ashamed, because I try to make an effort to just play one song a week. I have this whole big beautiful piano, and I squander it.

He said, He is in a band, Jazz fusion, and the sax player is so good, he is ashamed to do a solo after him. He is VERY inspired to practice.

Hey, this does wrap around. See, he is inspired to do his best because he is in an environment that challenges him.

Me, I was more challenged in my school environment. Because somebody there notices, cared, and I paid more attention to what I was reading.

It is important, I think, to foster environments that drive us to excellence.

Oh man. That’s the tough part. Good friends are hard to find.

So.

i have finished White Oleander. I feel like there is so much I would want to think about and talk about in it.

And I have already begun A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I’m 95 pages into it, having started it yesterday.

i was reading it, and in between reading it, I was watching Zorba the greek.

I wonder if there is a mental equivalent of a vomitorium?

No, my appetite is endless.

But there are SOME books that are too steep a climb to go swiftly.

Ulysses.

I’m working very slowly on that one.
I’m on pg 122. 700 more to go. I read it in between the other books I’m reading.

Which is probably the wrong way to do it. I should sit down and savor and ponder and try to GET all the little references and stuff.

But life doesnt’ let me separate and savor. It zips by, the hour gets late and then the alarm clock goes off.

More work and more meniality, and bills and catboxes and plans for the catboxes of the future.

I will tell myself that it is better to read 10 books too fast than read one slow and miss out completely on the other nine.

I can’t help it anyway. I love to read.

I also have this feeling, like, I have to study, I have to get the basics down before I can get to the important question. Start working, with the right tools and theorums and laws, on the important, significant questions.

I obviously don’t have the tool now, because I don’t even know the question.

unconventional

Posted on by

A book review should include certain facts. You should include a mention of the author, the tittle, and a brief overview of the story. Probably it is bad form to give away the entire story, but it can be acceptable, or even necessary in certain contexts.

There is also another idea. An idea from the late victorian era, championed by Walter Pater and others, said that a review, or a critique, was an art form in itself.

I’ve talked about this before, because the idea resonates with me. Let me explain the idea in my own words.

Say, there is a work of art. A poem, a book, a painting. It is art, it is beautiful. Someone experiences it, and wants to tell other people about it.

There are two ways to do this. Let’s call the first way the movie review way.

People read a movie review to find out whether the movie they are considering seeing is something they really want to see. It is really funny or thrilling or whatever it’s supposed to be?

But there are some problems with movie reviews: they are subjective. Maybe that person who did the review didn’t have the same sense of humor as you do. Maybe you would love a movie they hated.

Here’s another idea: Have you ever been to a really good movie with smart great people, and then gone out for coffee or drinks afterwards and discussed it? That’s happened to me, and we talked about the movie, and talked about the ideas of the movie…After a while, if it was a really good conversation, we would have left the movie behind altogether and started talking about the ideas.

This is the beginning. Basically, a piece of art can be a launching pad. Yes, you need it to get started but once you are launched, you may never need to refer to it again.

I feel like music does this exceptionally better than most forms. It is so abstract, you are forced upon your own soul. Pieces that are labeled “Symphony No. 5”. Just what the music means to you. Not a name, not a suggestion.

What happens to me in a classical music concert is that I pay close attention to the music until I start to drift on ideas, images, colors or movement. It is an amazing source of inspiration. I feel like i could paint, or choreograph or do things I’ve never done before.

Now THAT is what I’m talking about!
What if I could write a review about how a book makes me feel and the ideas it makes me think without ever referring to the specific story of the book?

That would be a really great book! And I would have to be a really great writer. Or maybe i would become a great writer in the process.

All this to say, I read White oleander yesteday. In some respects, it was a very trite book. And in some respects, it was beautiful. In the way that I have been describing, it is perfect. I am filled with ideas that are connected to so many other ideas.

After reading this book, I am left thinking of Georgia O’Keefe and William Pater. Beethoven and summer storms. all the capitals of foreign countries that I have ever seen.

It makes me think about the troublesome people I have known, the ones whose stories I am not sure what to do about. It makes me think about the soul and the meaning of life and what that means to different people.

It makes me think about how big the world is.

All of that, and I haven’t said anything about what the book is about.
I havne’t really said what I think about those varioius subjects either.

Here is the main problem with the idea of Aestheticism, the piece of Pater’s philosophy that I have here described. How do you connect with the people that you are talking to?

It is a great responsibility, understanding one another. Most people deeply deeply want to be understood by others. But then, we are responsible to try and understand others too.

Some people, you have to do your homework to keep up with.

still sick

Posted on by

Well, I’m still sick today. I can’t sleep too well, either, so I’m watching a lot of TV.

I think I would rather read a book, but all the books I’m reading right now are really HEAVY. I want something lighter.

Anyway, this morning I watched show boat.

Old Man river…Can’t help lovin’ that man…good show.

THe main thrust seemed to be that it was impossible to help being in love with a guy, even if he was a jerk. The women seemed to be inexhaustibly patient and loving.

I was sort of sucked in by it…Oooh…Looove……

chris called me later. I told him about it. He said, (HE said it, not me)
“Sounds like a movie written by a man.”

I guess it was..Hammerstien.

Maybe love isn’t what it used to be.

i guess it helps that men no longer have an economic stranglehold over women.
When it’s an equal playing field, then you have to really have something to offer.

I should be less responsible

Posted on by

I am wretchedly sick. Yuk.

I began to be ill yesterday at work. It got worse and worse, and I was in so much pain, I called the doctor. Missing my dinner, I rushed over to Kaiser to wait for an hour.

Ugh.

They gave me pills, which stop the pain. Antibiotics, maybe that will kick it in the pants.

The phenomenal relief of not being in pain made me feel perfectly well.

Until I had to come to work this morning.

Why am I here? What is wrong with me? I am FAR too responsible for my own good. I should be at home, lying in bed and moaning, instead of here, typing on my computer and moaning.

Yes indeed. Why am I here?

I am here because the boss is gone. Like Kirk on the Enterprise, he took all his officers on the away team. Absolutely no one else would have been here to cover for me at 7:30 a.m.

Is this my problem? I am sick.

But I was raised that excuses are not reasons to shirk your responsilities.
So here I am.

Reading Lolita in Tehran

Posted on by

I finished this a while ago. I was so completely moved by it that I have been carrying it around with me, wishing I could do a good enough review to do it justice.

But I am not going to write the perfect introduction/recommendation for this mandatory reading for the decade. I will do the best I can.

Nafisi is a professor of english literature. She is also Iranian. The first was her gift and calling. The second was a fact of fate.

How do you tell the story of Iran? They always say, “Begin at the begining.” Ah, but which begining?

Nafisi’s book begins with her plan to continue teaching after she has left the university for not submitting to the extreme rules for women.

She loves to teach, and she chooses some students who love to learn. THey must be all female, because a mixed class would be too risky. She has the women come to her home to study the forbidden works of literature.

But don’t get too excited; almost all books from the west were forbidden. The book in the title,Lolita, was studied. We all know that Lolita is a risque subject. But Jane Asten, and Henry James are also studied extensively.

The characters of the women in the group are important. Not everyone in Iran is a fundamental zombie. And not everyone longs for the freedoms of the west. There are a whole spectrum of desires felt in each individuals heart.

Nafisi goes back in time to tell how things began to be the way they are. What was this revolution against and what was it for? The tensions and factions, and who won and the results of what those winnings were.

And the battleground over women’s bodies. Why must a woman cover herself so completely? And why then, should she be sent home in shaame for wearing pink socks?

And what does Jane Austen have to do with all this?

Indeed, the women themselves wondered what they had to do with all of it. All this attention centered on them. They, who felt so powerless, were so feared.

Where can a person possibly find answers for these questions?
Nafisi finds them in books.

I could kiss her for that! I find them in the same place.

Nafisi interjects her stories of happenings with what can only be called classroom lectures. But the subject matter of the lecture is so relevant, one cannot think of them as interruptions.

In a place where women’s bodies, selves and personalities are kept so far out of sight that the manifestation seen by the public are only fictional characters, one must study real fictional characters to learn how to be real.

This is what Nafisi tells us in this book.

But she does not pretend to have answers for everything.

This book left me deeply sad for days. I felt the heavy blessing of my own freedom. I cannot more highly recommend this book. It is a new perspective.

Caine Mutiny

Posted on by

You know, the world is not the perfect place we all wish it was.

And I think most of us would readily admit, a least in the abstract, that we are imperfect too. Which is why the world is imperfect–it’s made up of us imperfect people.

This drama tells the story of Captain Queeq and his officers. The first mate relieved the captain of his command in the middle of a battle in World War 2.

This story starts after all the action happened; the first mate is on trial for mutiny. The main characters are the defense lawyer and the first mate.

I am not giving anything away by saying the defense attorney was not very pleased to be given this assignment. His reluctance to do his job is paralelled by the first mate’s reluctance to serve under Captain Queeq.

Of course, the resemblance of the attorney’s performance in the courtroom and the mate’s performance on board the ship seem at first glance entirely removed from one another.

But I think that those two are the real crux of the drama. The fact is, every one of us is often required to do things in the line of duty or work that are unpleasant. Sometimes they are possibly out and out wrong.

What do we do about that? how do we handle it with character? What is really important?

The attorney’s impassioned speech at the end about his mother raised some questions that seem simple at first hearing. But when you really take them to heart, it is a tough truth.

This is a great story.

4th of july nostalgia

Posted on by

So, when I was getting ready for the parade and fireworks last friday, I had to pick out my outfit. It was ragingly hot outside, so I needed something cool.

A couple months back, I had picked up this truly adorable vintage 50s sundress. Perfect! With some bike shorts underneath so my thighs don’t stick together, it was the coolest cutest ensemble.

And, it felt right to be wearing vintage on the 4th of July.

So I bopped around getting ready, listening to the radio talk about the founding fathers. THinking about them, thinking about us today. What was this holiday really about? I am against unthinking nationalism. What is the best way to celebrate Independence Day?

Then I wondered…WHY is it appropriate to wear vintage on Independence Day? Must our patriotism be rooted in the past? Shouldn’t our sense of civic duty and patriotism be looking to the future?

Yes, the day commemorates an event that occurred in the past. But the idea is one of a nation by the people, for the people. And we is the people.

I wish that our sense of patriotism would extend beyond wearing T-shirts
with American flags or getting a red-white-and-blue manicure (Yes, I saw this. I really did).

At least, can more of us vote? That’s all I’m asking.

wow, I haven’t written in a while

Posted on by

Hey everyone!

I have been so amazingly busy that I haven’t even had time to pontificate over here.

THe big news is that I am pursuing the purchase of a condo. That has me at a high state of excitement and nervousness. I’m pleased that I am such a grown-up, and yet I’m terrified that I won’t be able to handle it.

I will send all my friends my new address as soon as I can.

Also, I’ve been doing other kinds of writing. You know, not all writing works well as quick posts of commentary. That’s blogging. But I’ve been working on longer stuff.

So everyone, thank you for reading, and that’s what I’ve got for today’s update.

Come back later!