off the playbook

I went off the playbook yesterday in my toastmaster’s speech. It was supposed to be a persuasive speech, and it was really a piece of performance art.

I got some awed responses, but then I got a hard “That is not how this is supposed to be done.”

yeah. I know

But I bet that MY speech will be remembered for a long time. And the by-the-book speech will be forgotten.

Journaling

I was going to write every day, renewing my committment to this blog.

I have lapsed. And now i have basically nothing to say.

I’ve been helping Chris do a big project by leaving him alone and watching Veronica.

I’ve been thinking and planning and doing a life makeover

Both these projects are not common knowledge, but they are very much on my mind. Makes it hard to clear my mind for blogposts

In fact, I’ve got some work of my own that I really want to get done. But Veronica is my responsibility right now and she’s needed full attention. And then, when I HAVE two bits of attention to rub together, I’ve wanted to read

To escape. And the series I’m reading is really really really good.

Robin Hobb, people. Wow. I think I’ll read everything she writes.

Now, I’ve got Veronica in bed. And she’d not asleep. And I had some coffee.

And I have more of the book to read.

But i have SOME HOMEWORK TO GET DONE.

you know, life homework. Stuff I give myself to do.

But i want to read. And i want to get that homework turned it.

I betcha the only thing I’ll ACTUALLY do is clear off some house mess and get ready for the day job tomorrow.

sigh

Well, I’ll write a perfunctory blogpost. I can say I did that.

a real friend

My brother gave me a self-help book for Christmas–Safe People

It is odd to receive a self help book as gift. It implies that I need some help, and maybe I should get my self together.

Then again, my brother loves me. I probably *should* get myself together.

I read it. And very quickly I was engrossed. It turns out there are a number of icky relationships I have been tolerating in my life.┬áThe book is very Church, very Christian-y, which I do not like. I am a Christian, but I don’t care to be given the bible as the only supporting evidence to prove a point. If it were true, it would be true outside the Bible as well as in.

I read stuff that triggered all kinds of exmples. My experience provided the outside examples of what theauthors were trying to prove. It rang very true.

The end of it gave a formula. It came from some bible verse, but which one doesn’t really matter.

It was a formula for how to gauge a safe and true friend.

Dwell

Grace

Truth

“Dwell” means that person will hang with you. They will be around. They will spend the time and be available. Yes, that is the first part of a friend. Spending time, spending some effort.

“Grace” means a lot of things to me. The churchy meaning is “god’s grace”, as in forgiveness. Or comfort. Or empowerment to do a difficult thing. Grace also means elegance. The opposite of grace would be awkward. An awkward friendship might be on that just doesn’t quite mesh. Not the same sense of humor, or a way of speaking that is out of rhythm with one’s own. If you can’t find a naturalness to being with a person, then the friendship just won’t work.

Then there is Truth. A friend has to be the one to tell you the truth. Who among us would not doubt the veracity of a friendship, upon realizing that a friend didnt’ tell you about spinach in your teeth for the last hour? If our friends won’t tell us the truth, they are not friends.

Not that they should be cruel about it. See: “Grace.” A friend would also hang around to help you deal with a painful truth. See: “Dwell.”

This is a great measure to hold up against the people I spend time with. I find myself changing some plans.

I have a friend who is super fun and kind of glamorous. She is very willing to get together (Dwell). We have great times, and laugh (Grace). But I know that a couple times she hasn’t really told me the truth. She said a couple things, smallish, but I can tell she’s not real strong on the truth part.

I have another friend who is willing to hang, and is a little less glamorous and funny. But I can feel a lot more sure of what she tells me. She’s a lot stronger on the truth than GlamGal.

It occurred to me, that if there was a choice, all things being equal, I’d be better off spending time with truthgal.

if you want it, you measure it

When I had a paper to right for an assignment, and the assignment was to turn in so many pages, I got very good at knowing how to use fonts and margins to my advantage.

When the measure was number of words, I knew how to string those together.

When I myself wanted quality writing, well…that was something else altogether.

The thing is, when I want something to be a certain way, I pay attention. I get out the scale nearly every morning.

And if I want to lose weight, i pay attention to the amount of veggies I’m eating.

I know of certain people who talk about what they want.

“It should be thus and so…”

But they are not measuring. Or maybe they start measuring, but they don’t do anything about the measures.

If i weigh myself in the morning, but do not think about and be disciplined with my eating, I am not really doing anything with that measure.

If i find that someone is talking about it, but not measuring it, they are getting the good they want. The talk is enough for them.