passing

reading father boyle talk about his gang members, i feel so much kinship. I’ve got these stories too

and it’s awkward. I dont’ look like i do. I don’t have tatoos on my face or anywhere. I look extremely acceptable

But i know that i have stories that freak people out

I can pass. I can make my hair shiny sometimes, and i have a vocabulary.

I passed passing and now make people uncomfortable the other direction. people say “I appreciate you being so on top of things” which is another way of saying “can’t you slow down and back off?”

I know there is a shadowy figure that people see that they think I am.

I can pass as someone worth feeding. but it’s tenuous.

because it takes a lot of effort

is that enough?

All my life, I have had non-standard hair. Other people had ‘normal’ hair, but my curly head just was not

I’m behind. I’ve been working to hard and I’m not sure how I’m going to get caught up.

I know the working parents…and which parent isn’t working?…knows what I mean. I am neglecting my daughter.

Every time I see her I tell her to comb her hair. It’s starting to get curly.

Curly is another word for tangly.

Let’s be clear, her blonde hair is not curly like my hair, it has some wave to it now.

My hair, I know, is non-standard. My daughter is still in the range of normal. But there is a new level of tangles that need some attention. I’ve been trying a few different products, but it seems that it needs to be blow-dried after her evening bath.

With my curly hair, I read about people who blow-dry their hair. It seems that people use blow driers to dry and straighten hair.

This is way too much work for me. My weird hair doesn’t seem to get dry that way. I figured people with normal hair could blow-dry their hair in minutes, but my hair is not that lucky.

I got the short end of the stick.

So when I tried to dry my little girl’s hair, I was surprised that it seemed to be taking a long time. She hated it, and the hair was barely drier than when we’d begun. I was mad at myself for not seeing it through, but no one was having a good time. I gave up.

The next morning, though, her hair was far smoother.

whaddaya know?

It was enough.

That was not what I expected. I thought that it would be a lot harder. I’d always assumed it had to be bone dry to make a difference.

Her hair responded. My little bit mattered. I thought I had failed. But I’d done just enough.

For her, for this, that was enough.

Maybe that perfectionist pressure I’ve been putting on my self for other things is not required.

Maybe the tangles aren’t as stubborn as I’ve assumed. What if it were easier?