When I’m looking for a job, I pay a lot of attention to how I look. My clothes, my face, my HAIR, I want to impress. I want that new job, so I grasp for anything I can think of to get a boost.
I will change my outfit, and preen and look at myself from different angles. I am trying to make myself the ONE that interviewer wants. I’ve never met him before, and I’m hoping I can make the connection and get what I’m hoping for.
I’m not the only one who spends time carefully preparing an exterior for the world. I’m trying to show who I am so that I will gain favor and advantage.
But did my hair-do really make the difference?
I’m not looking for a job right now, thank God. But I am wondering about my hair do.
The lease has ended on my hair. It’s mostly gone and will be all the way gone for the rest of the year. The old ways I used to put myself forward in the world are different now. As I submit to the chemo procedure, I’m realizing I have less ability to be impressive in the world.
It’s not so easy. I have to learn new tricks. I have to be satisfied with less.
Or at least something different. If I am clean and decently groomed, that is enough. It’s not required that I be the MOST beautiful. It’s enough to be enough.
It seems my concerns even while I had all my hair may have been superstitious anyway. Enough is as good as a feast.
I’m weaker and less polished than I was. I will have to believe that I’m enough even though I’m less than I’ve been.
I’ll have to focus on being my best in less superficial ways. My thinking—though slower—is still the important part for my job. I can be careful and thorough and not be distracted. That’s the part that I can move my attention to.
And..as I am not feeling good and I am receiving the attention and help of those around me, I want to make sure I give attention and help back.
My value is not just in how I look, but how I can give love and concern to others.
I don’t’ have to do it all. In fact, it could be better if I amplify the efforts of those who want to do more. I could try out how it feels to not do everything. There is something to be learned in that too.