bags beneath my eyes

Cleaning out a cupboard, I found a stash of plastic grocery bags. It has been a while since I got into the back of that cupboard, because these were from when the stores gave you a bag for free. I kept them so I could reuse them.

Except in this case, I hadn’t reused them. I’d stuffed them back into the back of my attention and forgot. Bags of bags.

What would I put in these bags? I thought the bags would have a use. But they took up space in my kitchen. Years ago, I stopped seeing them.

Sometimes bags hold things for me. Sometimes things hold onto me and accumulate.  Like bags under my eyes. Or bags in the back of the cupboards

When I discovered those bags I saw the truth of this choice I made and forgot. It limited my possibilities and cluttered my life. I made space and accepted these without a second thought.

If I asked myself what bothers me in my life or my environment, I have a fast response, and I could roll on the topic of things that need to be fixed or improved.  

It was appalling to suddenly see what I’d been tolerating for so long. Willful ignorance of the sneakiest kind. What else have I become intentionally blind about?

It’s a new year. I’m ready to ditch old habits for new ones. My cupboard full of bags of trash is a splash of cold water to my smug confidence. I need to check myself. 

I’ve been coasting on a set of assumptions. Some of them are helpful. I’m just not sure which are and which aren’t. 

It’s never convenient to re-examine my behaviors. I’m just trying to go live my life. And I can go about my life in a straight line. I’ll step around that thing. Then jump over that gulch, duck to get under that overhang and get straight to it.

How easy it is to contort myself to keep it simple! I end up in absurd contradiction.

Like finding out I’ve got toilet paper stuck to my shoe. With humiliation, I wonder how many people have seen it. I do not resent the time it takes to fix it. I only wish I could have fixed it sooner

I want to get myself proper for the new year.