..other than the obvious, what would you do? The obvious being saying goodbye to loved ones.

That was the question at Toastmasters and it really sunk in. I am lucky enough to have more than two months to live…

or at least THINK that I have more than two months. Who knows these things?

But it sums up the problem of life. We humans are not ants and we know that we die. We know that we have a span of life, and we think about what we want out of it.

The person who responded to the question said he would travel and see everything. He’d run up his credit cards to the max and live it up.

I was thinking the whole time of what I would do, but I couldn’t get past the ‘obvious’. All the people I would want to say goodbye to…

But what is the point of that time? correspondingly, what is the point of life?

If I knew I only had two months to live, perhaps I would try all the drugs that people lose their lives to. What is the deal with heroin, cocaine, meth and crack? If they bring so much delight and the only downside is addiction…Sounds like a pleasant way to spend two months. Maybe…

But what am I on earth for? What do I spend my next two HOURS on, other than the obvious (sleeping, eating, etc.)?

I spend a lot of time on trying to finish projects. Almost all the projects are particular ways of expressing my individuality.

Presidents and other like important people get to talk about their legacy as if it were a weighty responsibility. Well, it’s a responsibility for everyone, you know! I get to think about my legacy too. How would I like to be remembered, or even more relevant, how would I like to to improve the lives of those that come after me?

I can say that I leave a legacy of a child behind. I have propagated the species! And so far, she is a great benefit to the world, if only in that people smile when they see her. On the other hand, having progeny is the legacy of an amoeba. It’s not that distinctive. I would like to leave MORE behind.

I have only 24 hours a day, regardless of how many days I have. So what else would I do with this time?

How do the people that I admire make an impact on the world? They seemed to give a perspective on the world, or find a way of fitting things together that helped people do what they needed to do. In retrospect the pieces all fit together, but I bet while it was happening they didn’t feel so tidy.

Veronica is one year old. Technically. But really, she arrived quietly and then left a subtle little double blue line a couple weeks later to let us know she was here.

I keep counting back 2 years ago. Two years ago when ‘normal’ happened.  I very seldom had trouble sleeping 2 years ago. I had more trouble staying awake.

But things are not normal. Or, they are a new undiscovered normal.

Daylight savings switch just happened. I remember last year spring forward was a terrifying event. How could I possibly keep track of the sleep and feeding schedule? I didn’t put the clocks forward for 2 weeks, I think. Because my baby came first. And I wasn’t back on the job yet, anyway.

Last friday I had to get up at 3:20 to go do a work thing that was time sensitive and HAD to happen right then. Unfortunately, I hadn’t really been sleeping well prior to that either. I think it was the book I was reading…I don’t know. But now that 3 am wakeup, and daylight savings…ugh

I love a schedule. I LOVE a schedule. It’s like a grapple hook over the wall of the unknown. If I go nuts and think “HOW CAN I GO ON!?!?!?!?” a schedule tells me how.

I despise daylight savings. Let the seasons be what they are.  The daylight can’t be saved.

and stop f–ing with my schedule!