nice echo

Every morning I go to headquarters to check the equipment for the uppitymucks. I have a well-tread path, and part of it takes me through the stairwell. Since I am there so early, I feel pretty confident that I am all alone. So I sing in the stairwell.

Right now Christmas Carols work. Other times I’ll sing Sinatra songs (the influence of my husband) or Danny Boy or some other such. The echo is really lovely. I wouldn’t really mind other people hearing me sing, but perhaps not everyone who is trudging to their cube wants to hear about how Danny Boy is being called by the pipes.

Now that the internet has moved away from me, this blog reminds me of that stairwell. It’s pretty unlikely that anyone hears what I am saying. In a way, it’s a nice thing. I can say whatever I want.

concrete tall and wide

Once, when visiting Manhattan, I stood on the roof of the Empire State building. It was dusk, and I could see in all directions. Wherever there wasn’t water, there were buildings. Incredible! With the tiny little fully encased exception of Central Park, everything was paved and built-over as far as the eye could see. And the eye could see for miles. I would not have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.

Driving from Pasadena to Irvine (Orange County) yesterday, I had to drive slowly. It was raining,  so the traffic was backed up and I had to drive very very slow. I passed through neighborhood after neighborhood after commercial strip mall. Overpasses and exits and miles and miles of freeway. It occurred to me that the Los Angeles area is very populated and built up. It made me think of the view from the Empire State building. I wondered if L.A. had a tall building that could give a similar view. I thought of the Library tower, famous for being the first to get blown up by the Aliens in Independence Day.

Then I realized that the view of the L.A. basin is best seen from the mountains. I’d taken the Angeles Crest highway. and seen the whole thing.

But seeing the man made from a tall mountain is a totally different experience. The Empire State building is a man-made structure. Seeing all the man-made things from a man-made things takes your breath away. You realize how very much man can subdue nature.

But seeing man-made things from a mountain makes man-made things look small. The mountain will outlast us. Nature has patience with us, because we are not so very important in the big scheme of things.

rearranging priorities

Back–oh lord, more than 10 years ago–I noticed myself writing very very long emails to particular friends. I could get going on a topic and just not stop.

Eventually, I realized that this was not the right way to capture and convey this information. I started a blog. THIS was the right way to say something I needed to say. The internet, which gave me email, found a better way.

Now there is twitter and facebook. I’ve connected these social chatty machines, but now my blog is suffering. The internet got *in* the way.

Then again, what is this path I want to be on anyway? What am I trying to accomplish? It could be that facebook and twitter had arrived at the same time that I ran out of things to say. After all, my daughter uses up a lot of mental energy and that may mean my well of things to say ran dry.

Then again, maybe because I cannot complete a full thought easily in my regular life I really need this blog to help me get my thoughts straight.

Since I no longer have a huge reservoir of resources to drink from, I think I need to prioritize what I write. Facebook isn’t the place to have huge thoughts. It’s more or less a fancy chatroom or bulletin board. I don’t want to waste my energy on what amounts to SNACKING, little bites of not quite satisfying self-expression.

Not sure what this will end up as, but it’s time to take stock.

the worth of truth

Reading Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done and drooling over the world they describe. Larry and Ram are going on about developing bench strength and coaching their people talent.

I did an informal poll and asked my friends if they’d ever been in a company that valued the people such that coaching and promotions were part of life. We know of this, like we know of unicorns. But do they exist? Doubtful.

But that made me think. What if we could develop partnerships with teams who could assess us effectively–a kind of support group. Perhaps a group of people doing volunteer work with the idea in mind that honest and constructive feedback about strengths but MOSTLY weaknesses would happen at the end.

Honesty is so rare and valuable.

Local conflicts

Driving to the Long Beach Hilton yesterday for a convention, I saw a line of picketers in front. I was driving past to find the parking, but they seemed to be listless, and all the signs were professionally printed.

Hired picketers, I thought. I was early, so I wanted to go speak to them to see what they could tell me about their cause. Not much, I figured, if they were temp workers hired by the union to hold signs.

As sign holding gigs go, this one would be less taxing than the one where the guy has to hold the arrow ON SALE sign and dance while waving it around.

But by the time I got to the picketers, they had turned up the volume. Literally. There was a bullhorn in use, and some marching that could be interpreted as angry. Now I felt too intimidated to go up and talk to them.

Two people were standing in an alcove to take a better look so i joined them. The woman there said “What do those signs say? What are they protesting?”

My thoughts exactly. “Unite!” I answered her, reading the signs. “But that doesn’t tell us anything. What’s the deal?”

I looked over at the second person in our alcove, and saw he was a cop. He sighed, with his thumbs hooked into his belt.

“The Union wanted the workers at this Hilton to unionize. They had a vote and the workers didn’t want it. Hilton doesn’t care; a lot of their hotels are union already. But they don’t think the workers should be forced to unionize if they don’t want to. And we are caught in the middle.”

Didn’t expect that answer. “But…They are being pretty loud…Can they do that? I’m not feeling very peaceful. Perhaps they are disturbing my peace?”

Policeman said, “That’s why I’m here. Caught in the middle.”

Hmm. “Don’ t they have a red line? I mean, when I lived in an apartment, there was a limit to how high I could turn the volume up before I got in trouble.”

Apparently the city of Long Beach does not have red line legislation.

October?

And not only October, but halfway THROUGH October.

I’m glad. This year will end, and I will be there to see it. It began rather tumultuously for me, but It’s fine now.

I’m making progress on a lot of things I want to accomplish. In fact, I’ve been living much more in the moment.

Which mean, I haven’t got a lot of brain cells to float on whimsy and deep thoughts. My blog has suffered.

As a matter of fact, I am wondering how this new me will accomplish writing. I still want to write, but the mental space is a lot harder to come by.

Maybe when I finish a project and put a bow on it, I can trust time enough to let go of the ticking seconds and slow down enough to float.

I’m close to being done with One project:
IMG_9450

Adventure

We went to the fair today. I love the fair.

I was so looking forward to it, and I really wanted Veronica to meet the animals. But I was nervous; she’s never done anything this adventurous. She’s only 8 months old, and want to make sure I don’t ask more of her than she can do.

There was a missed nap we’d have to negotiate, not to mention the huge amount of overstimulation that is the essence of the fair.

Long story short, we went for 3 hours. She was great!

She pet a lot of critters, including an alligator:

I got to visit the pigs:

We also visited a dinosaur exhibit. It was pretty realistic for a county fair. Some kids were brought in and started screaming.

Veronica was cool with it:

In fact, she was pretty cool with almost everything. She had big huge eyes and wanted to see everything. She did want to be held pretty often, but she was cheerful.

She slept in the car on the way home, but when we got home, she had a lot of thoughts to think.

For her, the thinking had to do with jumping up and down and playing with a lot of toys.  I could just see those new ideas marching across her little baby brain.

“There is such a thing as a goat. I must jump! There is such a thing as a sheep. I must kick!”

The world had gotten bigger for her. When she was seeing all the new stuff, she took it calmly with big eyes. But coming home, she cut loose and got all excited.

There will be more adventures.

little boxes

My husband sells little ships. Little ships come in little boxes. When you open the box and put the ship in the display case for your very own personal collection, you can’t just throw the box away. What if you want to seel it later? The boxes are important because the little ships are so very delicate you can’t even hand carry them without damage.

I knew this. I knew that Chris had to keep the boxes.

Today I went into the garage, thinking I could rearrange it a little to get pathways into the places I needed to go, And opening this box and rearranging that box gave me perspective.

HOLY CRAP we have a lot of boxes of boxes. I thought *I* was the one with all the crap in the garage. But I have decided it’s all him.

ALL HIM.

Because on further examination, I found another archealogical strata the predates the ships. There were boxes for delicate Audio Equipment that must be kept for transporting important electromagnetic speakers and precious turntable equipment.

There are empty boxes. And boxes of empty boxes. They are bursting out the walls!

This is a problem, and it goes deep. It may be time for an intervention.

pity

The poor little one is sad again. She wants to crawl and reach; she wants to stand and be held; she wants to be asleep and awake. It may be that life is frustrating to her, or it may be that she has a pain somewhere (her gums?). She is having trouble sleeping and is crying a lot more than usual.

I feel sorry for her. I wish I could help her. I know she’s a good girl and doesn’t want to be cranky.

When she was very little, she would cry and cry. Maybe it was because she was hungry and I didn’t know that she needed more to eat. THEN I would lose patience with her, and sometimes I’d have to leave her alone in her crib to cry while I got some air.

It’s been a long time since I felt that impatient with her. Now I feel pity for her.

She’s so much bigger now, I know her better. I know what gives her comfort, usually. I feel sorry for her when she’s going through a hard time.

the shoe fits

I dunno. I like being plugged in, and i miss the heck out of my community college days when I had 3 or 4 command line email conversations going at the same time…

IM is such a rehash

…but the clarity of exposition that my blog allows is unparalelled. I have, on a regular basis, some thoughtS to sort through. And now that no one is even reading this blog anymore…

DEEP apologies and much love to you faithful few

…it is freeing to come here and expound. It’s a self-referential thing, you know? That I take the time to think something through here on this blog gives me a sense of finality. And I can have a conversation with someone about an issue, if I’ve blogged about it, and just reference my blog post in my brain. I always feel like jumping to the post and telling the person, “Read this!”

they never do

…and even if we get interrupted and I don’t get to finish my point…

is anyone else as annoyed by this as I am? I HATE it when I don’t get to conversationally finish my thought, especially when it’s a really good one [and all the really good ones are long so they always get interrupted], it sticks with me for days like a loop

…I feel better because at LEAST THE INTERNET KNOWS WHAT I MEANT

I love my blog.