So, I’m trying to be part of a team here at work.

Actually, I’m resenting the fact that I am NOT part of a team. This should not be so hard.

Ever remember those group projects that were required in school? That’s where you had to form a group to do a project or a presentation, and it was some fat percentage of your grade.

What always happened with me is that I cared about my grade. I wanted the project done well and I wanted to get an A. SO we would all get together and talk about what needed done and who would do it.

There was the person that called the meetings. There was the person who just agreed with whatever everyone else said. There was usually one or maybe two people who didn’t do a darn thing.

Now. That hold true through life. This really had nothing to do with whatever subject we were learning. It was all about ‘Who’s the loser?’

I used to think that the people who didn’t do anything were the losers. But you know, I didn’t pay enough attention.

Who’s really the loser? The one who doesn’t have to do any work? Or the one who does all the work for other people?

What harm does a low grade do anyway?

If we are playing that game, the one where it doesn’t matter who shows up as long as the work gets done, then why must I be the one to show up?

I am the loser.

See previous post

So…I basically have to have some kind of faith that the loser is NOT the one that does the work. In a purely temporal world, how could it be otherwise?

The sucker is the one who gets stuck with the hard stuff.

Except I do not believe that this is a purely temporal world. I believe in higher things, like higher standards. Pride of accomplishment, a job well done, knowing that I did my best.

Boy, do I ever believe in knowing I did my best. I cannot sleep at night if I even think there is a chance I didn’t do my best.

That means i see beyond the moment, beyond the short term. I have a larger context within which I place the choices I make.

So. What is the context that the not-doers place their choices? Do they feel there is another consequence beyond getting out of doing stuff?

Let me tell you, there may not be. If this work environment does not dish out a consequence, then there isn’t.

So how does teamwork happen?
In my case, it doesn’t.

In my opinion, consequences are important. But not everyone sees it that way. Some people seem to want to avoid consequences and protect one another from them.

See this post.

This sort of thing rolls around in my head, and I wonder if I really am clinging to outmoded rules of the universe.

Maybe I need to have a talk with ol’ Nick.

You can’t fight the way things are. You can only work with it. Maybe you can work with it to improve it, but working with it is the only way.

I’m beat. Work made me work really hard, and I spent the week away from home. I am done now, and I am even taking monday off.

It took three trips to this location to finish. The first time, I stayed with friends. The second, I picked the cheaper hotel, and I rejected it. Too much graffitti nearby. It was a barely revitalized motel.

This time, third time, I got to stay with the top dogs in the nice hotel. I even snuck out to the hot tub at the end of the day, and it was wonderful. I sat there in luxury, staring at the beautiful stars. I was a little bit grateful to the firm for giving me a chance to stay at this pretty hotel. I would never have paid that much on my own.

And then I thought about how i had rejected the other motel. It was more expensive than I would have chosen to pay, too. I wondered if the top dogs would have stayed at the motel. They might have found it objectionable. We find a lot of reasons to complain about what our firms provide for us.

If I don’t have to pay for it, I might as well insist on the best. It costs me nothing.

I wondered if the top dogs would have chosen less luxurious surroundings. I thought, maybe not. They do make more money than me. I wondered if they also felt that they could insist on the best from the firm, and if they also felt like it costs them nothing.

Because it does cost everybody something. The money to pay the bill comes from somewhere. It just seems so removed and far away that it feels free. At least it does to me.

But for the top dogs, the partners, they have a share in what happens. They own the firm. It’s their money going away to put an expensive pillow under my head. Do they realize that? Or do they also feel very removed from the costs of doing business?

The movie “The Corporation” talked about corporations making the businesses that we do gets to be further and further away from consequences. That leads to irresponsibility.

And that made me think that all of us, all of the people from our firm were maybe, behaving like children. Someone else, we don’t know who, would get the consequences of our choices and actions.

Someone else will handle the bill.

That can’t be good for business.

So I was listening to the radio today. Flipping stations to find music, and not just people yapping.

KISS fm was talking about a new poll that married women 2 to 1 are in favor of Bush for President, and that single women are in favor of Kerry. Ryan Seacrest took a call from someone about it.

HE brought it up, remember.

Lady gets on and says: “I am a married woman and I do NOT want to see Bush as our president.” She goes on to explain, quoting something from Cheney and drawing some fairly well-thought out conclusions.

Ryan says, “I appreciate your passion, I appreciate that you have taken the time to find out about this issue and that you are going to go out and vote. That is very admirable. I’m also putting you on my list of people never to piss off under any circumstance!”

That pisses me off.

Mr. flash-of-the-fashion-moment brought up politics. And then he basically tells her to back off and not care so much, ’cause it’s excessive.

I get this response a lot too. I care about whatever I do. But I get this feeling that it is intimidating to others. Like, you can only talk about something if you don’t get too excited about it.

It’s not COOL to be passionate about things that everyone else in the room is not equally passionate about.

I find this frustrating. Why is this lock step necessary?

I try not to talk about my job very much. I try not to think about my job off the clock.

I am so much more than what I do to make money. And yet I spend more time trying to make money than I do sleeping. Big huge chunk of life-time.

This blog, and other creative things I do, is supposed to be a refuge. But there are things happening that make me think.

I think I blogged about Life of Pi. Maybe I didn’t …Anyway, dude was writing about animals in a zoo. He said, the animals needed to know where they were in their social heirerarchy so that they could feel secure and concentrate on getting food and sleeping.

Very subtle things let them know who was on top, whose roar they had to listen to, etc. And once they knew they could relax. But until then, it was first order of business.

The floor I work on has been re-organized. All the cubes are shuffling. And they are building new offices with DOORs. But those aren’t around yet.

The amount of trouble that moving should cause is much bigger than the sum of it’s visible parts.

THings are breaking, women are crying, and MANY MANY tasks on other floors require two people right now when they only took one before.

Low voiced conversations are up and down the hall.

And also, no one knows where anyone is anymore.

We’ve asked for a new floor plan.

SHH! it’s a secret.

I met with a colleague who works across the street from me. It’s hard to find people who do what we do, so it’s pretty exciting when we can meet.

How funny is that? Don’t all multi-national companies do conferencing? Video conferencing is part of a lot of businesses. But we still don’t get noticed. None of the job sites have “Video Conference Adiministrator” as a possible job category.

Stealth Career.

So one of the things my neighbor wanted to talk about was how to get Mo’ Money. An extremely worthy topic. He wanted to triangulate, find out what we video people are worth. He has a certificate…I’ve been thinking about getting one. And we chatted about possibilities.

He kept saying, “don’t get the wrong idea…” when I was being very honest about my strong desire to make as much money as possible.

I am making less than I have, that’s for sure. What do I come to work for, if not to make as much money as I can with my time? Sure, the free coffee is nice, but it’s really about the paycheck. Let’s not kid ourselves.

Dude had been working at that same firm for 10 years.

TEN YEARS. Holy Crap. That’s crazy. My dream is to keep a car for ten years. Not to work in the same compeny.

He was surprised to hear that I had moved around in my career as video guru. I told him, that is the only way to get the big pay increase.

TEN YEARS.

I’m a little too restless. I have “grass is greener” syndrome. And it’s not just the money, although money is very important. It is also the challenges. I want new projects, I have to have stimulation. Repetitive think injuries can happen. Do the same thought process, with no changes, you atrophy.

Or in my case, get cranky.

That being said, staying in one company has a few advantages. Companies have figured out that it’s cheaper to underpay people for years and years.

Dude had 5 weeks vacation. WOW! I would love that.

And I bet he didn’t worry about being let go.

I don’t ever trust an employer. I’ve participated in too many layoffs. why not me? It’s a possibility.

So I’m always on the lookout.

But some people just stay. I hardly know what to think about that.