Okay, so I’m an engineer. I do technology for a living.

and it is humdrum when it’s something that I’ve done before.

But when I encounter technology…NEW technology..Something that I am supposed to know, to be responsible for and I’m the only one

it scares me

As in

my lungs can’t quite fill
my head feels light

I look at that problem and don’t have clue one about what to do

I don’t know what to do or where to begin

and this monstrous vaccuum of knowledge will somehow swallow me and destroy me

…it’s related to the steamroller…

What do I do? I pace around and try to figure out if there is an EXIT sign

usually not

then what I do is shotgun out as fast as I can to as many places as I can to find a clue

I talk to EVERYONE I see about it, look at the problem and poke at it from different angles, and google like mad

because somewhere deep inside I am sure that I will die if I continue to not know

I have some friends (why is it always the female friends?) who say frequently “Oh, you’re so good. I could never do what you do. Technology scares me.”

Well, it scares me too. But if it’s the only path to get from where I am to where I want to be…

then, like a terrified person crossing a rope bridge over the abyss

I suck it up and figure it out

because I have to get there.

Well, this is Death Valley after all.

if anyplace gives you a reason to look tough, Death Valley should be one of them.

I am wishing that I were tougher than I am today. My tonsils are sqeeaazing my voice into a small whisper or squeak.

I am pale and mostly weak. Which means that all the things I would like to be doing, I must forgo. No more working on the door refinish project.

I must REST.

and no cleaning out the house in preparation of the puppy.

I must REST.

“Can I take a rest from resting?”

“NO!”

but I can, while on hold with the telephony people here at work, admire the face of marshmallow man, making his tough I’m-a-cowboy face.

I can imagine that he will turn around and say “Howdy little Lady…” in his I-was-raised-in-L.A.-but-born-in-Texas accent.

It makes the hold music more bearable.

“…Thank you for calling the helpdesk. Please be prepared to provide your national user ID, a description of the problem, your computer ID and any error message on your equipment. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order recieved by the next available help desk representative….”

At least it’s not the same hold music as they have for the conference-call line. This is classical music; the stuff from the conference calls is new age electronic music.

Well, I’m prepared, but the hold lingers on…

Is it just my stupid job? Or is it the whole of life?

This is what I learn from the eggheads. It’s true, I’m not kidding.

If I start out at Point A. A dot, a spot, a point of beginning. I determine that I want to get from Point A to Point B.

No problem, right? I can see how simple it is. I set my course for a straight line between A and B.

But the eggheads chime in again. There are an INFINITE number of points between point A and point B.

NO END, EVER EVER EVER to all the stopping places on the way between my start and my goal.

and me…I want to stretch my strong motion muscles and go fast and full speed to B

I want to B!

Wait, no, wait. There is a reason I must stop. And as I resolve that stop, then another appears.

and they never end.

This is a law of physics. An infinite number.

Delusion

This morning at work I had a run in with another strain of humanity.

I call them Mac people.

Don’t get me wrong. There are people who choose to use Mac computers because they are the best tool for the job they are trying to do. I don’t have any problem with that.

What I do have a problem with is that some people, the Mac people, think that Mac computers are a standard computer and interface with the PC world.

Presentations–with projectors and PowerPoint–these are the bread and butter of my job. And every time a Mac person steps into the conference room saying “This will be compatible” I want to throw them out and barricade the door.

But I am a professional. I usually laugh and say, “We’ll see.” I have never ever seen a Mac-based presentation work easily with conference equipment.

And the Mac people say, “Of course it’s compatible.” And we plug it in or try to open the file.

And the trouble begins. Immediately after the first sign of incompatibility problems, the Mac person will say, “No, it’s compatible.”

WHAT makes these people refuse to pay attention to reality? Do they think that repeating the statement will make it true?

And the next step is to persuade them to do a work-around. Are there printouts of the presentation? Can we make a PDF that will work on a Windows machine?

But, the Mac people will insist that the system is compatible. They will insist that it works, as if the proof of not-working right in front of them will somehow vanish if they just BELIEVE.

It’s not just denial. It’s a delusion. And in this case, the delusion keeps them from facing the facts. When they take their apple-flavored technology into a cold room with the Windows open, they need to be prepared. They need to think ahead.

Yes, the truth is, many things are compatible between the two worlds. Some things are not. If you are bridging the two, learn where the traps are and have a work-around. Macs love adaptors and special file extensions. Know this and have them at the ready.

Remember, it’s your technology, and YOU are responsible to make it work. You are the one from a different planet, and you landed here on mine. It’s not my responsibility to learn your customs. You’re on my turf now. I don’t have every cable and adaptor known to man in my closet. If you need one, bring it.

So, leave the delusion behind. Believing that it’s compatible is not enough. You must also have the tool kit and the knowledge.

Delusions are for de losers.

Don’t be a loser.