children of the firm

I’m beat. Work made me work really hard, and I spent the week away from home. I am done now, and I am even taking monday off.

It took three trips to this location to finish. The first time, I stayed with friends. The second, I picked the cheaper hotel, and I rejected it. Too much graffitti nearby. It was a barely revitalized motel.

This time, third time, I got to stay with the top dogs in the nice hotel. I even snuck out to the hot tub at the end of the day, and it was wonderful. I sat there in luxury, staring at the beautiful stars. I was a little bit grateful to the firm for giving me a chance to stay at this pretty hotel. I would never have paid that much on my own.

And then I thought about how i had rejected the other motel. It was more expensive than I would have chosen to pay, too. I wondered if the top dogs would have stayed at the motel. They might have found it objectionable. We find a lot of reasons to complain about what our firms provide for us.

If I don’t have to pay for it, I might as well insist on the best. It costs me nothing.

I wondered if the top dogs would have chosen less luxurious surroundings. I thought, maybe not. They do make more money than me. I wondered if they also felt that they could insist on the best from the firm, and if they also felt like it costs them nothing.

Because it does cost everybody something. The money to pay the bill comes from somewhere. It just seems so removed and far away that it feels free. At least it does to me.

But for the top dogs, the partners, they have a share in what happens. They own the firm. It’s their money going away to put an expensive pillow under my head. Do they realize that? Or do they also feel very removed from the costs of doing business?

The movie “The Corporation” talked about corporations making the businesses that we do gets to be further and further away from consequences. That leads to irresponsibility.

And that made me think that all of us, all of the people from our firm were maybe, behaving like children. Someone else, we don’t know who, would get the consequences of our choices and actions.

Someone else will handle the bill.

That can’t be good for business.

Write On

I’ve been working steadily on writing a book. It is not a novel, which is what everyone assumes. It is a memoir. I’m trying to write about what it was like to be with my family and go over to Russia to teach English in a private school with a Christian curriculum in 1991-1993.

I started out, and in January, I had about 100 pages written. THen I realized that I had to stop TELLING the story and I had to start writing the experiences. What I had been doing with the first 100 pages was being my current self, the ironic cosmopolitan with PERSPECTIVE on what happened back then.

Absolutely NOT the way to tell a real story. If I distance myself from my own story, how can I expect to draw in a reader? But the fact is, I didn’t want to dive in. To call these memories painful would only be the tip of the iceberg. Nothing is just as simple as pain. Pain is such a flat word. I needed to dive right back in to THEN and write what it was like to live it.

It is not easy to do that. I’ve now re-written to the point of having 140 pages.

AND WE STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN ON THE PLANE.

My mind panics when I think about (think about writing about) going to Russia. And that is exactly how I felt during the time I was getting ready to go. That is the time I am writing about, that getting-ready period.

Right now, I am filled with those feelings I had then. And I am missing those people I knew then. I am SO missing them.

I had to do a little cyber-stalking. God bless Google. What’s Dean up to? What about Alex? Tommy Piper?

They say you can never go home again. I say, you can never go anywhere again. Some things never change, but I am not some things. It’s very sad to me, to realize that I can’t ever recapture the closeness of a friendship. Or realize the closeness that I once wanted.

People change. I change. It makes me sad.

Not that I would have it any other way. You couldn’t pay me enough to stay the way I was back then.

Anyway, I am surprised at how real these people are to me. It is like they just walked out of the room. I’ve had to struggle to remember their personalities and their speech patterns. I have to try to create dialogue with them…I say create…But it is more like remembering…And I remember up scraps of things I’ve done and said with them…And there they are. Like I could reach out and touch them. Like I could give them one more hug goodbye.

And I wish I could.

Some people just stay there

I met with a colleague who works across the street from me. It’s hard to find people who do what we do, so it’s pretty exciting when we can meet.

How funny is that? Don’t all multi-national companies do conferencing? Video conferencing is part of a lot of businesses. But we still don’t get noticed. None of the job sites have “Video Conference Adiministrator” as a possible job category.

Stealth Career.

So one of the things my neighbor wanted to talk about was how to get Mo’ Money. An extremely worthy topic. He wanted to triangulate, find out what we video people are worth. He has a certificate…I’ve been thinking about getting one. And we chatted about possibilities.

He kept saying, “don’t get the wrong idea…” when I was being very honest about my strong desire to make as much money as possible.

I am making less than I have, that’s for sure. What do I come to work for, if not to make as much money as I can with my time? Sure, the free coffee is nice, but it’s really about the paycheck. Let’s not kid ourselves.

Dude had been working at that same firm for 10 years.

TEN YEARS. Holy Crap. That’s crazy. My dream is to keep a car for ten years. Not to work in the same compeny.

He was surprised to hear that I had moved around in my career as video guru. I told him, that is the only way to get the big pay increase.

TEN YEARS.

I’m a little too restless. I have “grass is greener” syndrome. And it’s not just the money, although money is very important. It is also the challenges. I want new projects, I have to have stimulation. Repetitive think injuries can happen. Do the same thought process, with no changes, you atrophy.

Or in my case, get cranky.

That being said, staying in one company has a few advantages. Companies have figured out that it’s cheaper to underpay people for years and years.

Dude had 5 weeks vacation. WOW! I would love that.

And I bet he didn’t worry about being let go.

I don’t ever trust an employer. I’ve participated in too many layoffs. why not me? It’s a possibility.

So I’m always on the lookout.

But some people just stay. I hardly know what to think about that.