So today I will try to gather up the pieces of my book to fit them together into a first draft.

A complete first draft.

Didn’t I just do that? I did. And now i have lost my thread and must do it again.

I am at the point where I no longer care if the book is good. I just want to finish it.

I wonder sometimes…kind of often…about the discipline of my thoughts. I think they are not terribly disciplined. They zing around in a scattered fashion that doesn’t complete itself. Maybe, I think, if I had spent more time in traditional education (college, for example) I would be better able to formulate some of my ideas into full theories or works of creativity.

On the other hand, I have noticed a difficulty in the opposite direction. If my thoughts are not fully worked out, they would therefore be SHORT, right?

However, when I am talking with people, I begin to say a something that I’ve been thinking about.

INEVITABLY, I am interrupted once…twice…three time…sometimes several days can go by before I finish the train of thought (so simple and direct to my mind) that I was trying to convey to someone else.

IT’S REALLY ANNOYING not to be able to complete what I started to say. Some people are pretty good about letting me finish. Others…and that is the majority…can’t seem to let me get even the introduction out, let alone the POINT I was trying to bring up.

I guess there are a couple things that would cause this.

1. I hang around a lot of rude people who don’t let me finish what I’m trying to say

2. I am a clumsy conversationalist, and shouldn’t be trying to say such long, conversation-dominating things in a conversation

-now really thought…if that were the case…I would just have to give up on conversation altogether. Saying anything LESS interesting would not be worth my time.

Maybe I am in that awkward period where I am a more advanced thinker than the average peoples I encounter, but not quite disciplined enough to move on to the next level…

But here’s the thing…if I am indeed a slightely more honed than average thinker…(and I don’t think I can be that much more) and I am ALREADY having difficulty carrying on a satsifactory conversation…there is a risk that i will lose even the basic conversational interfacing skills that I have now.

It’s mostly at work, really…Work is where I have to try to talk to people who don’t let me finish. And a few other light social interactions.

When I get to CHOOSE who I talk to…it goes a lot better.

Basically, this is a lot of mewling because I am not finishing this stupid book. “Why am I not done…? Am I just not disciplined enough to finish this big idea of a book? Maybe I am not educated enough…maybe I’m not good enough…”

Meh.

Stupid creative drive…