I am so happy right now
It feels so beautiful just to be present and at peace

I spent a long time being afraid of all the things that might happen and all the things that I needed to do and I wasn’t doing.

I was so afraid that I didn’t know what it was I was supposed to do and that I was going to get caught and punished heavily for not knowing and not acting

Right here right now, I feel safe and like I can enjoy myself

I find myself wondering what I would like to do if I didn’t feel afraid

I am so used to feeling the wolf at my heels.

It is not quick and easy for me to know what I enjoy

I’m paying attention to small things . I like feeling comfortable. I like reading. I like laughing with people.

These are good starts. I also like accomplishing big things. And if I could accomplish what I want just because I want it I wonder how big it might get

How to do something hard

I’ve heard it called an engine. That thing inside me that keeps me moving towards a goal.

People ask me “How do you find time?”
It confuses me. It’s not a matter of time. It’s a matter of wanting to do it.

Take reading a book. I love reading books. Easy books are fun. But then there are the hard books. Those are the challenge. And by challenge I mean FUN.

My husband likes to climb mountains. That’s good. That’s his thing. Me? I like to challenge myself to finish Ulysses. THAT felt amazing.

Because it was an experience I wanted to have. I wanted to read it and I wanted to have read it.

So I did it. I read it everytime I had any spare minute. Because I loved it and because i wanted it.

The same thing with my books. And my blog.

I don’t believe in procrastination. If I am not doing something I want to do, it’s not a fault. There is something else getting in the way