past the known

There are a lot of ways to figure out where to go. Humans are social animals, so it follows that when we get in a new situation, we look around to what other people are doing and where they are going.

Unfamiliar situations are uncomfortable and scary. I like to get situated, get my bearings and have an idea where I am going. I want to get in a groove, have a sense of what to expect. Five months ago, I got my first dose of chemo and started to map the territory. After the first dose I got an idea of what to expect with the chemo infusion. Then the days and weeks after how I would feel and what was going to happen. It wasn’t the same every time, but I had a sort of confidence with the experience.

When people started making maps, they drew what they knew. Then they realized there was more, but they didn’t know what was in the unknown.

That is where they drew monsters.

Sea monsters



It’s scary in the dark. I don’t know what’s around the corner. It’s got to be nasty. I mean, I don’t know it is but I’m afraid of it.

Like shadows cast in my imagination it is spooky and scary.

After all this, I find myself at the beginning again, having to be brave in the unknown.

I was hoping I was past that part.

It seems the map makers had it right. The monsters aren’t going anywhere.

I will have to keep my bravery at the ready. I never wanted to stay on the same paths. I will find strange corners I’ve never encountered before.

Adventures are not comfortable things.