Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by

-Robert Frost


Those iconic lines create the feeling of FOMO- fear of missing out. Every choice made means all other choices are refused. The author made a choice based on which one he thought was less used.

In my populated life, the city is full of well-worn paths. So well-travelled that we watch out for traffic jams. Every wants to get to the same place.

Almost.

The onramps consolidate all the many into one. The cars line up on the freeway, all of them going as fast as they can manage in the crush. It’s reassuring to join the group. We all are going the same way. All of us together pushing moving, with intentions so clear they never need re-examination.

Right up to the part when I remember the road doesn’t lead to where I’m trying to go. There comes a time when I have to get out of the group and get back to my own. I have to become aware of myself in this crowd and wrestle my way through to the exit to get to my destination.

Getting out is where it gets tricky.

Everything is simple when I’m chugging along on the same road.

And I know this is the time to pay attention so I don’t tangle myself up. I’m so close to the goal. I can taste it. It’s right there.

But all the little choices I have to make, the individual distinctive things that set me alone out of the crowd now. This is where I have to stay awake and make my own decisions without the reassurance of the others.

I’m done with a big leg of my journey. Chemo is finally done. I am just now starting to feel strong again, more like myself. It’s almost like waking up. I can see beyond the next moment.

There are a few more months of different treatments to get through. It is scary to come back to awareness and to wrestle with my own life and make choices again. I didn’t choose this and would not choose hiding anonymously in a crowd. But since this year I restricted my abilities and choices to others’ prescriptions.

The rewards and risks of individuality are at hand.