Pass

It’s an election year. This last week has been riveting, beginning with an assassination attempt on Trump, the Republican party presidential candidate. Only one week later ended with a first-time-in-history change—Biden as the sitting president and the democrat party candidate stepped down.

That was this week. The week before, as I’ve been sharing with you all, I was exploring America. I was not riveted to the news, because I was looking at the natural world around me.

With the election, I am reminded of April 2020. I remember how the news was all I looked at during the start of the pandemic. I check the news on TV and on my phone trying to verify the latest death surges. Where was it bad? Who knew what?

I HAD TO KNOW!!!

Even though I eventually caught the virus later that year, the pain of COVID for me was that separation from myself. I don’t want to hold my attention in my pocket. A few inches of screen is not enough of a window into the world.

The fact is, with all my medical poisoning, I narrowed my world again to that screen. Well, really to the speaker. My eyes were too tired to stay open and my mind was often too weak to lift weightier subjects.

I spent hours and hours lying down in the dark, sleepless but listening to books or comedy podcasts. I got very used to this link to entertainment.

But just as I had in 2020 I have begun to feel the creeping ick of prepackaged jokes and opinions. I want to get away from this dependency.

I’ve talked about this with Veronica. She shared this song “Welcome to the Internet!”

(Language warning)

Could I interest you in everything? 

All of the time?

A little bit of everything 

All of the time

Apathy’s a tragedy 

and 

boredom is a crime

Anything and everything

All of the time.

This is my kid’s life. She is fully in this world

But who am I kidding? I’m even more in it.

I am supposed to be online. It’s my job and I’m a grownup. I’m supposed to know what is good for me.

Right. I sit here drinking my coffee with sugar at the Panera about to order a cinnamon roll instead of dinner and I’m the one who has to call a halt on myself. Should I feel superior that I’m in Panera and not McDonalds? 

Of such small differences

While we were in the hotel on our trip we three collapsed after our day of travel and excursions. Separate phones separate screens. 

What are we doing?

No. What am *I* doing?

I’m the designer of my life. What could I do? 

I pulled out a deck of cards and set up a game of solitaire on the bedspread.

This is a familiar addiction. I don’t like the path it takes me on.

I might be alone in my determination to cut the constant connection to the everything all of the time. I’m not going to lecture others to do the same. 

But when I put it down, at least my husband started telling me what he was reading. We were connected even though I wasn’t looking at the screen.

And just like Winnie the Pooh I am going to step through the screen right now. Yes, I’m talking to you now. I know you are reading this very sentence on a screen. I’m writing on one, after all.

I write these weekly wonders as a way of observing myself and my thoughts. I am glad that you, dear reader come along and connect with me. My intention is not to be a little bit of everything, but to be a little bit of my authentic person shared with you all.

I didn’t buy that Cinnamon roll after all. I am writing this (rather lengthy) essay about my hopes, weaknesses and do-overs.

In this election season, I’d like to step away from the grimy drama and remember what I appreciate about the people around me. I’d like to give hugs. I want to pass a bit of watermelon than pass judgment.