One thing that I really like about being married to Chris is how well we can work together. We are super good at making decisions and making it happen.
I appreciated that decisive quality even before we were dating. When faced with a decision, he will make a choice and start on it right away. That is super attractive to me.
Because you know what I hate? Wasting time deciding. I used to work with some guys who spent every single day debating where they would eat lunch. I wanted to put my eyes out. I would rather go without food than discuss it so much. I do not want to waste my time like that.
Right now we are doing renovation on our garage. The construction workers are coming in and out, and of course the city inspection was an important milestone.
There was a moment when the permit was lost. Then it was found. And then there was this clean up and that. And the inspector arrived. The first thing he asked the workers, while signing the inspection paper, was “Are you the one doing that project up the hill?”
This is a small town. Our contractor has been in business for a long time. The inspector trusted their work on our site, and his mind went on to another one that he has some worries about.
No time wasted.
I am reading The Science of Trust by John M. Gottman right now, and he affirms that trust reduces the complexity of all transactions. In our tight-knit town, that is working well. The city inspector and the groups he inspects have a shorthand.
When Chris and I made our decision to renovate, we very quickly worked out what needed to happen and set out to make it happen. At this point we don’t need to discuss it. We check in about once a day, sometimes in brief texts and I know it is handled.
I trust him.
Truth be told, I trust him more than I trust myself. I can make a decision and revisit it a million times in day, even stupid things like what to wear or what to say. My mind whirls around until I am heartily sick of my own head.
In his exploration of trust, Gottman expresses its value this way, “We don’t need to be continually testing our partner to see if this time we can trust him or her to tell the truth, keep promises, and think of our interests.”
I do trust my husband that way. Why don’t I trust myself that same way? I suppose I keep a record of wrongs I’ve done to myself. I choose to love my husband, so I don’t hold his failings against him.
If I trusted myself a little more, and chose to love myself the way I love others, I would save so much time and energy.