Well, after the exciting glimpse into Canaan, I am beginning to realize that the promised land of naps and long nights of sleep still has to be conquered before I can inhabit it.

After a successful shorter morning nap, I put my child down (following the cues of yawning and full-on nodding off) in her crib for the longer afternoon nap. She laid down and slept, but 10 minutes, then 15 minutes later required tummy patting and reassurances to go back to sleep.

A half hour went by, marvelous. I thought we were home free. I did my 8-minute Tae Bo workout, and was thinking of what other thing around the house I might do when I heard a cry.

Don’t rush. Let her get past it on her own. The books say wait 3-5 minutes.

I waited. She did sound rather half-hearted about the complaint. But after a good five minutes I figured I better pat her tummy and tell her it was okay to go back to sleep.

And so began a full meltdown. She cried full voiced for a half hour. Man, when she gets to doing it, she does not give up. Nothing was going to comfort her. I thought about getting the video camera to film this, just to prove to the grandparents that she does indeed have her moments.

Then she exhausted herself, took her pacifier and fell almost asleep in my arms.

PERFECT! I can put her back in her crib and have this all be part of the lesson of nap-taking.

As soon as I stood up, the eyes flew open. Drat. I rocked her for a bit, and they would not droop. So I sat down again, hoping to reach snooze.

And the screaming commenced again.

So, I take away that my kid is stubborn and fights going to sleep. I had my suspicions before, but this confirms it.

She was so wound up, I put her in her swing. That swing acts like opium…It has an instant effect, but it is not lasting once she’s off it.

But at least I can gather myself. Wow. What lungs.

It finally dawned on me a couple days ago, while taking to a friend with three children of her own, that naps are a feature in a child’s life.

I’d been so focussed on food and NIGHT SLEEPING that I forgot the day.

So, my friend mentioned something about how her 18 month old hadn’t had a good nap and was therefore fussy. It took me a day to get the light bulb:

Babies take naps. Of course, I had noticed that my child sleeps during the day. But I realized I should try to make that a more regular thing, and in fact have it happen in her crib. Not in my arms, and not slouched in a baby chair in the living room where I still feel like I have to keep on eye on her.

So, this is day three of trying the afternoon nap.

I just put her down in her crib. Her eyes were very tired but not shut. However, I left and shut the door. I wanted to see if she would put herself to sleep without further holdings or intervention.

That was 20 minutes ago.

By the sound of the monitor (or lack thereof) I think she did it!

…it may be small in the history of the universe, but it is very big in my life…A self-sleeping child is a very handy thing.

UPDATE: It’s been and hour and a half! still going…

So this marks the anniversary…the longest 6 weeks of both our lives.

And I am back to trying to establish a schedule.

She’s SO MATURE now.

We have successfully gone from feedings every 3 hours to feeding every four hours.  The difference seems small until you’ve lived it.

My next plan is to establish a regular afternoon nap. That would be good. Children thrive on structure right? and it would be lovely to plan on a regular alone time every day.

I have learned, though, not to get too attached to a schedule. It will happen when it happens, as long as I keep trying and not get too frustrated.

A couple days ago, Chris was in the living room holding Veronica and talking to her.

“You’re a good girl!” and such.

The cat was in the living room. He was hearing Chris and when Chris said these encouraging thing, he flicked his tail in the way he always does when being praised. I guess he knows that tone of voice. It’s for animals and small children.

We have had animals for a long time. Now we have a small child.

Couples usually have some sort of endearment they use for each other. “Honey” “Darling” “Sweetheart”

you know what I mean

Chris and I usually refer to each other as “baby” or “babe”

“Baby, thanks for making dinner”

“How was your day, Babe?”

So, when I say “Hi baby… how are you?” lately

Chris says “Fine.”

But I’m not talking to him.

So, I am not going to follow the doctor’s advice and go without nursing my baby for 7-10 days

She’s nuts.

Basically, the internet and a poll of my mother-friends says that it’s not necessary, just smear the same medicine I’m eye-droppering into her mouth onto me. Both of us should get over it in about a week. YES, the nursing will hurt for the duration. But the mental anguish of not nursing hurts more.

I went two whole days, so my milk apparatus is somewhat healed (good, less hurt). And I have become good at using the electric pump (something that I was scared to try, but have been forced to conquer).

ALSO!

Child is quite happy drinking from a bottle. And even more importantly, she is happy taking a bottle from Daddy. So, we have two nights now achieved the goal of me sleeping for MORE than three hours in a row.

THAT will continue, even if we have to use the super-artificial formula to make it happen.

It’s just about feeding time right now…she’s snoozing in her swing and I can barely wait to get back to the groove of nursing her.  I could wake her up, but she’ll probably wake up on her own in a few minutes.

Motherhood is a strange trip. I would never have known what to expect.

It’s been a month…more than a month…which means that counting in days has lost a little significance. I still note the days (35 today) but my little child seems to have gained some heft with the successful passage of time.

When I was pregnant, I told Chris that after the child arrived we would have a new chronometer. That we couldn’t just coast in a sort of grown-up statis where time was vague…”What year was that again? Was that before or after we went on the hawaii trip?”…It will be “That was before Veronica could walk” or “She was two then”

So the passage of time is quite significant in reference to this little one. And with the passage of time I’m getting to know her. I know it’s strange to say in this context, but I do not form relationships lightly. It takes me a long time to trust a person and really feel like I have that connection.

So…I think I am starting to get to know this little one. True, I have no idea when/whether she will sleep on a given night. But when she does, I can close my eyes and picture the different faces she makes throughout the day. And I know the feel of her when she cuddles up to me…the feel of how she cuddles up to me.

It’s like we’ve got some history now.