So, on her three week a versery, Veronica got to go down to the doctors.
She is growing, and inch and a half longer..and she’s heavier. Up from 8 lbs 10 to 9 lbs 1.5
That’s good. I guess she’s thriving.
But there was a huge page of questions for me. Am I drinking or taking drugs? Do I leave this child unattended on high surfaces? Do I get adequate explanation on how to use the medications that were prescribed to me?
NO to all.
Are you feeling blue?
Is blue the color you see when you are trapped inside the cylinder of a tornado? Red, gray, black, maybe. No, not feeling blue.
But yesterday, she was screaming for a bit, so I decided if she was going to scream I might as well let her scream to some fun music. I put on some sing-along 80s music and held her close while I danced and sang.
RIght when it came to the part where I could sing along, I was busting out with the chorus and my voice disappeared. It was the fun part.
I hadn’t had a feeling a fun since…well at least since Veronica had been born.
So that thought required a certain amount of tears, which certainly have been present since V has been born.
Then it made me feel mad, because, dammit, I am going to find a way back to, a way back to happy…if it kills me.
And i realized that this state of affairs could be part of why I’m having so much trouble feeling optimistic. So I guess I can remember that I should not forget to get happy at least a little bit every day, until it comes back naturally.
I think it will.