This second night was without tears.

ThAnk GOD.

She slept through the night, and I did too, but I woke up at 6:30. I betook myself to have the hotel breakfast and let daddy and daughter sleep.

THEY got up about 8. Then it was zoo, and lunch. We left the zoo for lunch, and I wanted a nicer place to eat. But we couldn’t make up our minds, she was starting to be sleepy, and so it was del taco in the hotel room.

She took a long nap,  though, and everyone rested during the afternoon. We decided to act like civilized people and not do anything strenuous. We all love shopping, so we went to a mall with plans to eat at a sit-down restaurant for dinner.

The mall was fun, and they were home to a Red Robin burger joint. We went in, and sat down in full view of a carousel horse that was part of the decor.

A horsey! A wooden horsey with a saddle to ride and everything! We visited the horsey several times throughout our stay. I had to repeat that it was for looking at, not for riding.

When I was able to sit down, I told Chris that there was a Red Robin in Anchorage.

“It was a spot that the churchy people would go to. A hangout spot for young adults and in particular the singles group.”
“We had one near Fullerton when I was going to University too. I avoided it,” he said.

“Well…I remember not being very fond of the one in Anchorage either…Did you have a time like that? When you were discovering what kind of places you would like to go to as an adult?”

That was the time in my life, trying things on because I picked them and not someone else. It turned out I didn’t really like Red Robin. I never understood the appeal. If it were up to me, I would have gone to the Java Joint (oh I wish it were still there…) or to a 24 hour diner. The 24 hour places never felt like they had to entertain you or be anything other than open.

Open was enough. Give me some food, and all the coffee refills I can drink until past midnight, and that’s what I want.

Until, of course, I got old enough to be more sophisticated and have some FAHNCY restaurant choices.

Tonight, fancy was sitting down and having a waiter bring the food. So Red Robin was perfect.

But Veronica didn’t like sitting still. We had to visit the horsey AND the bathroom multiple times.

The last time we went pee-pee, we emerged to wash our hands with some very decked out teenage girls.

These poor teenage girls at their version of fancy–Red Robin.

I felt pretty frumpy. But still…THey were VERY decked out and made up.

“What’s the occasion, ladies?” I asked, while leaning over Veronica to assist with the washing of hands.

“PROM!” they all said, slightly embarrassed.

Oh my. This was as time to be supporting and admiring of their efforts.

“You look lovely,” I said. Then i turned around to give Veronica her paper towel for the completion of hand-washing. It occurred to me to take it a step further.

“Look, Veronica! There are princesses here in the bathroom.”

She looked up at them with big eyes. They giggled. And because I was stuck between teenage glamour and three-year-old values, I said “Princesses have to go to the bathroom too. Everybody poops.”

While they laughed a little harder, Veronica repeated the statement with great seriousnes,

“everybody poops.”

“she’s so cute!” the princesses said.

“Okay, Veronica…Let’s go tell Daddy you saw princesses. Say bye-bye Princesses!”

I’m up to october 2009

It’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I don’t want to read it. It’s the part that makes you cry in the movie…the part where you know it’s going to make you cry, and then it makes you not want to watch that movie.

But the movie is a really good movie. And you are glad that you watched it.

But you don’t want to watch that one part. That one part. But that one part is part of the movie.

I think i’ll just leave that part alone for a while.

…

One entry in my blog talked about Gut-ese, or learning to understand what my gut is telling me and listening.

My gut right now is telling me that it is going to get better at an undetermined time in the near future. I know that it has gotten better already.

But.

Experience tells me that bad S happens. That i have tried to call the bad stuff that has been happening ‘the new normal’ and make it okay.

It wasnt okay.

But it’s getting better now. It is. It’s been a stable better for weeks.

But my faith is very ragged. I have to have faith and keep my eyes on the prize.

And maybe that means not reading this blog for a little bit. I’ll finish it later.

It’s not like we didn’t plan. And it’s not like she is the worst kid ever.

But we are spending two days away from home with Veronica,and this first night already sucks.

sobbing uncontrollably for 45 minutes straight.

from 6:30 to 10, varying forms of sobbing. Chris just emerged from the bedroom (we got a suite) to say she is asleep and that he does not relish the idea of a second night of this.

Thing is, she is too big for the hotel provided crib. So we bought a cot for her. She couldn;t deal with the cot. So we called for the crib after all. That HELPED, but she can’t lie straight in the crib. Poor thing.

I woke up at 6;30. Later than my usual wakeup time. I should be witty and funny, but I”m not.

So I’m up to the part in my blog where I went back to work after Veronica was born. I’m NOT to the part where she had to be hospitalized for not growing.

That was such a scary, shaky shuddery time, it’s hard to read about. But I wrote some good turns of phrases.

I write.

Looking forward to finishing the blog. Or to be more accurate, reading up to the current place.

One of my favorite podcasts is Radiolab. This episode starts out by describing how archeologists dug into the traditional trash pit of an Egyptian site and pulled up a bunch of papyrus.

The findings were amazing. Hundreds of boxes of papyrus with earlier versions of the Bible than anybody had ever seen, just for starters. Scientists have been carefully cleaning the scraps–which are described as a bunch of cornflakes–and piecing them back together to read the messages they left.

They have been working on this for more than a hundred years.

HOLY CRAP! I am imagining what a huge amount of information we are capturing and storing right now, on YouTube alone.

Of course, as I am finishing off re-reading my ten years of blog, I found this piece of history. Right before Veronica was born, I was waiting.

On January 18, 2009, I preserved for history that I SLEPT FOR ELEVEN HOURS.

My daughter is three years old. I have not slept that much for any day of her life. I don’t think it will happen again for years and years.

This could be the last recorded time in my life that I got a good night’s sleep. A really good night’s sleep.

The Wall Street Journal had an article about women in the workplace this month.

Here are some excerpts:

You would think the problem would be solved by now…”Almost nine in 10 CEOs agree that tapping female talent is important to ‘getting the best brains’ and competing in markets where women now make most of the purchasing decisions.”

…Companies are still bleeding female talent at an alarming rate…”

One executive they interviewed urges women:

“For God’s sake, nominate yourself for promotions. You’re holding yourself back.”

What are we waiting for, ladies? Corner offices, benefits and high pay are just begging for us to take them.

Right? Why on earth are we not jumping at these goodies?

Deep in the story, after we had to flip to page B9, they go on to say:

There is evidence that the U.S. is losing ground. Women are making huge strides in emerging economies such as India and China.

What could possibly be different between America and India and China?

You can wipe off the sarcasm I am dripping all over this post and see the answer here.

All the commenters mention childcare, or dependent care as the big reason to opt out.

I am pretty sure that China and India have a better system for providing childcare than America does. Maybe it is cheaper, maybe it is easier to obtain, maybe there is a greater social acceptance for an educated mama giving the children to the care of another person, but I am pretty sure that most of the reason “Companies are still bleeding female talent” is the very very female concern of the children.

There was mention of male executives having to learn to listen to female voices during meetings. However, there was no mention of the more obvious problem of how to adjust the workload to better accommodate female childcare concerns.

If we are in such demand, come where we live and figure out how to make it worth our while to run your companies

this is the part where my writing falls off a cliff.

The blog is about to record my parenthood.

I’m dreading how I will be.

Maybe I’ll still have things to say.

Regardless, i guess I have things to say now.

I find myself, once again, in a position of being behind on my assignments before i knew the work had begun.

Teachers will do this. “As you see from the syllabus, this first class is when we will discuss the final chapter of Moby Dick. You all read it, right?”

No. No I didn’t realize I would be expected to handle this work before I knew I had been given the job.

But I’m excited. I have a lot to do, and not nearly enough time to do it all right. I guess I”ll have to do it the way i do it and hope it will be good enough.

This piece is from a kind of music called

8 bit or chiptune

The musician limits him/herself to the technology that was available…oh, 30 years ago. I like the retro feel.

of THIS song anyway.

It’s a demanding form