The agony and the angst

I’ve been re-reading the wonderblog, and remembering what I was thinking back then.

I have spent a lot of time writing on this blog about writing. I have spent a lot of time wishing and whining that I want to be an artist and creative and write and do beautiful things and think beautiful thoughts.

I have railed against the necessity of having a job.

However, I haven’t gotten to the part of the blog where I have a kid yet.

I love having a job because I am not a good stay-at-home mom. I am NOT a stay at home mom, and the days when it is required that I stay at home and take care of Veronica all day are excruciating.

It’s better than it was, but it’s still exhausting.

I wonder what I’ll have written come the birth?

Because right now, I am jealous of me in January 2004. I am also remembering my struggles with my job then. I have a greater patience with my job now, sort of. It fills more than my personal need to feel useful and be fed. I have to keep my child fed too. And have a reason to brush my hair every day.